32 years ago today ....

... I entered this world, no doubt screaming my lungs out and causing my mother a great deal of pain.

Not much has changed.

Except now I probably don't cause my mother the same amount of pain and I don't scream too much although I do talk a lot (those who know me will agree wholeheartedly). The only pain I cause my mother now is when I get a new tattoo and she sighs :D

My birthday always makes me reflect on the things I have done, not just because I'm older but because my birthday falls at the end of the year, so I always think about what I have done and accomplished in the year gone by.

This past year has undoubtedly been the single most eventful year of my 32 years to date. I have: bought a house, had a baby, sold 2 businesses, moved interstate, travelled overseas for the first time AND did it on my own, bought a new business, went back to work full time after 4 1/2 years as a stay at home mum, renovated said house, moved into that house, had a massive family Christmas and I'm still alive. I think the only thing I didn't do was get a divorce and thankfully that looks unlikely! ;P

2009 looks set to be another big year, with a lot more firsts, but I am hoping it will be far less stressful than the year I have just endured. I'm not sure I could ever do what I have done in a 12 month period again. No thank you.

I'm not big on new year resolutions but I do set myself goals every year. I know I am going to achieve the goals I have set for myself for the coming year, because I will not let myself fail. My drive and my passion are strong and my optimistic streak pushes me to always do my best.

I am thankful for many things that have happened to me this past year. Things that have helped to continually shape the person that I am. To all of you that have had a part in that (and I'm sure you know who you are), thank you.

I have a great feeling about 2009. It's going to be a great year. Mark my words :D

Wait a second ... it ain't over yet!

I just wrote a blog post about my year and then just as I was about to post it I realised that there are still two major events to occur this year so you'll just have to wait a few more days!

One of those major events is my birthday, so I'm hoping for a particularly bloody marvellous one this year!

We will return to regular programming soon ... I promise :D

Dear blog readers ....

I will write again. I promise :)

I'm just crazy busy doing this whole retail at Christmas thingy (it's my 17th year doing retail at Christmas ... I am insane).

I promise a blog post full of wit (or something that rhymes with that) very very soon!

<3 Spi :)

Flat out like a lizard drinking!

It's been an extraordinary few months and so much is going on at the moment. Working 5 and a half days a week leaves little time for socialising or relaxation and with Christmas rapidly approaching ... lets just say I'm flat out like a lizard drinking!

I have invested a lot of money into my shop and it looks amazing. The difference since I took over is awesome and the feedback I have been getting is fantastic. Next week I have a web designer coming to see me. I was planning on waiting until after Christmas to work on my site, but as fate would have it one Saturday afternoon shortly before closing I h ad some customers in who were just totally in awe of my shop. The following Monday I received a phone call from this guy who loved the shop so much than when he got home he checked to see if I was online. When he hit my site and saw the coming soon page he called me up to ask me if I had anyone lined up. I told him I had nothing set in concrete so he offered to come to me to talk about it! I was stoked. With time being so short, having someone willing to come to me is a huge bonus. So this week I will be meeting with him to start designing my site. I'm quite excited by this :)

My plans for the direction of my shop have been somewhat dampened however by this whole stupid economy at the moment though. I am trying to deal with a few international suppliers but it's damn hard with the dollar the way it is currently. I'm still going to go ahead, but I'm crossing my fingers that it's not TOO long before there's a bounce back, otherwise I'll have to come up with a new objective. Luckily for me, I'm not the most stupid person around so I am working on a few other more profitable (for the time being) ideas. Looks like I might be making a little trip up to Sydney again soon for one of these reasons :D

There's a few big trade fairs coming up, a massive one in Sydney in February and another in New York in March that I am going to try my hardest to get to. Just gotta get through Christmas first ...

So, it's all good in my little world at the moment, and I hope it stays this way!

I wanna be a kid again!

Wasn't life sooooo much easier when you were young? I mean, you lived at home, no rent or mortgage repayments, no bills, your mum did your washing, cooked your dinner and drove you around. All I had to do was feed the kitties and keep my room clean. I had a weekend job and any money I made was mine, all mine!! I paid no tax (cos I earned no money basically lol) and had zero responsibility.

Sure, I had relationship problems. I had an on/off boyfriend how was basically a total jerk, but I 'loved' him sooooooo much that I kept forgiving him for all his shit. The little jerk was such a wanker but hell he was cute, so .... ;P

He broke my heart, but a week later I had a new love. He too broke my heart, then I broke a few hearts, then ... oh I think about then I turned 18 and started to think and try to act like an adult!!

At the time I thought my life was so full of complications and problems and hassles! If only I knew what was to come ....

Retrospect is a wonderful thing, but geez it pisses me off. All those things I could have avoided if only I'd known. But on the other hand, hell I've had some fun making mistakes!

These days I'm responsible for 3 little kids. I'm responsible for feeding them, clothing them and keeping them happy and safe. It's the single most biggest stress of my life. Because I want them to never want for anything. I want them to always be in good health. I want them always to smile. I never want them to experience hurt. Of course, I know these things are inevitable.

Now I am the major breadwinner for our family my stress levels have gone through the roof. I think I now know what my husband has been going through for the last how ever many years. I constantly worry that I'm going to fail ... yet at the same time I have such ambition to make sure that I don't. My moods yoyo from extreme optimism to self doubt. I feel like a totally hormonal bitch at times, which is so strange for me as I am not your 'typical' chick. I've never had hormonal swings before.

So, yeah ... take me back to being 17 again ... hell it was easy back then!!!

Although, you know, with all that I have had and all that I have experienced ... all my heart breaks and all my loves ... all the people who have been a part of my life and helped to shape who I am ... all the conversations I have shared with those who mean the most to me .... most of these have occurred in the years since I became an adult. So, on second thoughts, maybe I am happy where I am, with the knowledge that there is more really good stuff (and really shitty stuff) to come.

One month down!

So, I have had my shop for a month now and it looks so different to the day I took it over. I am getting lots of feedback on how much BETTER it all looks now, which is totally awesome! I am at the moment organising a bit of a grand re opening of sorts for next weekend. There will be balloons and cookies for the kids and .... a face painter!!! I love face painting. So much so in fact that I will get my face painted on the day too I think! I'm putting a half page ad in the local paper next week for a little promotion, so I hope it brings in a few peeps and of course a few dollars :D

As usual, my mind is about 100 miles ahead of where it should be and I keep telling myself I should be slowing down and taking it one day at a time, but I have this ambitious streak that has hit me head on and I feel like I need to act on it. I suppose time will tell what comes of it all. In the meantime, I damn well hope this economy picks up, particularly the Aussie dollar against the US, as that has a fair bearing on a major element of my future plans .... definitely just have to wait and see there.

People are starting to buy for Christmas already which is good but also daunting! It's still October!!! Not that I'm knocking it! Bring it on, I say!!

Year 12 runs amok

It was Year 12 Muck Up day in town last night and the streets are littered with little polystyrine balls and shaving cream adorned windows! My shop escaped unscathed luckily! My window cleaner came in this morning and we got talking about the muck up day and it turns out that I went to school with his daughter! We got to laughing about her in her costume for the day which was a giant nappy! So funny. I remember her clear as day in that get up too! So I've been remembering my muck up day quite fondly. I dressed in my 'modified' school uniform for the night. I cut my skirt to just below my bum, had knee high black socks and high heeled boots, a white shirt unbuttoned to reveal a black bra and bright pink hair!! It was such a riot of a night. We stayed out all night drinking and causing havoc to the school and town, which we were then made to clean up the next day hung over as all hell! It was a good night. I remember a photo of me sitting on the edge of the basketball court with my hair in pink dreadlocks caused by flour egg and god knows what else getting into it! I was covered in permanent black texta from all the phone numbers of friends written on me .... making me laugh know as I think about those kids doing what I did some 14 years ago :D

Slowly growing :)

Quite an exciting week so far. I finally received my clothing line from the US which is getting rave reviews from all that have seen it so far. I am dressing my middle feral in it and letting her wander the streets (just kidding) as advertising! Lots of people are saying how wonderful it is to see the shop full of stock again and I have also had quite a few say that they like it more than the previous owner! Of course, being a small town I still have my doubters, and I always will. That was always to be expected.

I am planning my next trip to the US. I can't give away too much but it will have a significant effect on what course my career takes. And hopefully that course is success of course! Hopefully in mid January I will be in LA again and also San Francisco. I had planned to go to New York as well, but with the Aussie dollar looking the way it does, I may have to stick to the west coast for now and head to New York later next year. All going the way I *hope* it goes, this shouldn't be a problem by then!

It's strange being away from the kids. I miss them a lot. I don't miss the tantrums and random screaming matches for no reason, but I miss their voices and kisses and cuddles. I have also learnt that my kids are freakin awesome really, compared to others! Some of the kids that visit my shop should be locked up!! Not to mention the parents! The other day, I was about to lock up the front door to close for the day when I heard a little noise. There, in the playroom was a little girl of about 7 ON HER OWN. I asked her where her mummy was and she said 'in a shop shopping.' Seriously, who does that? Who leaves their little kid to wander aimlessly? Morons. And don't get me started on the ones who think that my stock is a free for all play area and that it costs me nothing if they break all my toys. Makes me so mad. Totally not the kids fault though. They need the guidance of their parents .... which I have discovered is sorely lacking in too many cases.

Anyway, all is progressing nicely and I am finally making some head way into developing my website. Oh and when I say developing, I mean paying someone else to do it of course! I'm way too much of a nuffy to even think about doing that myself!

Super busy ... my brain could do with a day off! :D

There is so much going on in my life at the moment and I have barely had a moment to sit down. The times when it is quiet at the shop I relish, as it gives me a chance to kick back and relax. Having said that though, I seem to be constantly doing something!

This week I advertised in the local paper and the response has been quite good. I am getting customers coming in and talking to me as if they know me!! This is due to the fact that the paper ran an editorial on me and basically told my life story!! hehehe

The editorial also resulted in some companies contacting me wanting me to stock their products. Happily there are a lot of high quality, high end companies liking me, which is my ultimate goal, particularly once I go online.

Also at this time we are doing a major house extension and renovation which is frustrating but also exciting. My dream home is being built and once finished will be damn shit hot. I have only managed to go to the site a couple of times as I have been too busy, but it looks awesome and I cannot wait to move in. Will of course post pics once it's done, probably with before and after so you can see the difference. Exciting times!

I still haven't started my website yet. The biggest hurdle I have at the moment is that I work 9 - 5 and as I am on my own at the shop, making phone calls can be tricky as obviously the customer comes first. Web developers have the same office hours as me so not quite sure how I'm going to go about this. Might have to get me a minion!! It's frustrating too because I want the site up and running ASAP as I am sure this is where I am going to be the most successful. Particularly with the ideas I have for it. I believe what I want to do will be quite unique to Australia so I am very very excited!! Big ideas I have!!!!

Now I am indulging in some much needed wine ... been super hot today and I am loving the change in the weather. Will be loving it even more when I can swim in my pool that is coming with my reno ... YAY!!

Happy days :)

Blue

It's Mental Health Awareness Week and twitter is awash with blue avatars of wonderful people supporting this cause.

One of my favourite charities is Beyond Blue. The reason for this is because four and a half years ago (or thereabouts) I suffered from a form of depression that is so very common yet rarely talked about even now: Post Natal Depression.

It was a very horrible time in my life. I had a form of post natal depression that was fueled by anxiety. I was certain that my newly born son was going to die. It haunted my every breathing moment. All I wanted was to shield him from the world and protect him forever. I was certain if someone tried to do anything to him I would put myself before him. Had anything happened to him, I would have quite possibly never made it myself.

On top of this anxiety that harm would befall him, was my inability to breast feed him. We struggled for 11 long weeks. I had to use a nipple shield which meant I barely left the house, because as anyone who has ever had to use one knows, it's impossible to feed in public without everyone getting a good look at your breast and I was not at all the type of person comfortable with flashing my boobs in public (4 yrs and 3 kids later it's a different story!!! lol). We were virtually isolated inside and I was going insane. Literally.

I rang the breast feeding association. I have to say, I encountered the most unhelpful woman ever. I was crying. A lot. I could barely talk. My son wasn't feeding. He was crying. You know what she said to me? She said, "let me send you an info pack, it's obvious from your tears that you're desperate to breast feed him" ... an info pack??? Hello? My life was and had been in hell for the past 9 weeks. An info pack? Lady, I needed help, and I needed it right then. As I was living in Perth at the time, I rang the local parent help line at Ngala (wonderful peeps who continued to provide support for 4 years) and got a wonderful woman on the phone. She had suffered exactly what I had been suffering. She knew the pain I was in. She asked me, very gently, "Will he take a bottle?" "Yes." I said. We had been giving him bottles in between breast feeds as he was starving. "Then give him a bottle and DO NOT feel guilty about it. DO NOT." I gave him a bottle. He stopped crying. I stopped crying. I also made the decision to stop breastfeeding him and use bottles. He became a different child overnight. I became a diiferent woman. My depression lifted remarkably quickly as I was able to leave the house and not spend hours of every day crying.

As a bit of a postscript, I would like to mention that the lady from the Breastfeeding Association never did send me any information. I would also like to note that my 2nd child breast feed like a champion for 8 months, even after being a neonate baby and tube fed for the first week of her life. My third child was also a champion feeder, though I felt I was slipping into the depths of depression again after her birth, so I made the tough desicion to stop breast feeding her as I wasn't eating or looking after myself at all, so was therefore not really looking after her either. We lasted 3 months the third time.

So many people have an opinion about post natal depression. Every one is a doctor in their own heads. A couple of years after my depression I was finally able to talk about it. My cousin laughed at me and told me I was "sleep deprived". Even my own mother questioned whether I had had depression. No wonder we don't talk about this stuff. Every one laughs at you or tells you (ironically) that you are 'crazy' for thinking you're crazy.

After 3 children I am happy to say that I only suffered PND once. I was lucky to have a wonderful husband who stood by me and understood. Who helped me and who helped me get help. Who sat with me in the middle of the night and held my hand while I cried and tried to get Sprat to feed. He also knew the signs to look for after kids 2 and 3 were born and he read books and articles to better understand. Without him, my story might have ended differently, or after a lot longer.

So to anyone who suffers depression ... I know. I know how dark it can be. I also know that I am lucky to have come through unscathed, and after such a short time.

The first week

Well it has been a very busy first week back at work. We spent the week cleaning and remerchandising the shop. We moved everything around, added new racking and shelving and the shop already looks a million times better than it did. Unfortunately in the past week I have discovered just how many mistakes the last owner had made, so have been busy fixing those too. My dollar figures for the first week were up around 40% on her sales too! This is all very good!

I'm still waiting on a lot of stock, mostly the clothing I have ordered. The fantastic brand that I picked up from Santa Monica is still yet to arrive and I am waiting for it with such excitement! It's truly beautiful stuff and I want to put it on display soooo badly! Hopefully it will arrive sometime this week.

The kids are loving having a toy shop to play in! Mr 4 even helps me ... he greets customers and makes sure all the toys go back in their correct spots when people have been playing with them .. so so cute :D

I am so exhausted though. We went out on Saturday night to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary (!!) and one of our best friends birthdays and after dessert I nearly fell asleep at the dinner table! So embarrassing! Luckily they're our best mates and I didn't offend anyone :)

So today is another Monday morning for me. It's foul weather, raining and gloomy, so I'm not expecting a very busy day ... might give me a bit of time to build more gorgeous wooden toys and play with them! I'm such a big kid! :D

Anyway, I'm off to a good start and my next step is the advertising. Will be giving that a red hot crack this week. Then it's time to get to work on my website ... and by get to work I mean get someone else to get to work!! I'll be paying peeps to do this for me as it's really something I don't want to stuff up! As soon as it's done, I'll post a link then you can all start shopping with me no matter where you live :P

It's here ... Takeover Day!

Well, today is the big day. I'll be leaving for work in around 1/2 an hour. There are lots of formalities to go through today. I have to pay for the business (ugh) and the stock, pay my lawyers, contact the landlady, merchandise all my new stock .... and hopefully serve lots and lots of customers!!!

I'm really nervous. Have felt physically sick now for the last three days. Not sure of my abilities but I want to be the best in the business! I always reach for the stars, and I'm a bit of a perfectionist which is only adding to my anxiousness. I'm want to do the whole online shopping thing but I am UBER nervous about that, as I have never even created a basic webpage before and now I want to do a massive website ... oy. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

Anyway, I hope to take some pictures today, although I am still waiting for lots of stock. The shop looks a little empty at the moment and I want to show it off looking good of course, but I might take some teaser pics just to keep the peeps (particularly @mediamum) happy!

Tell you all about my first day later :)

Nearly mine ....

So it's Friday morning and at work I am halfway through the stocktake required for the takeover of the shop. It's damn tedious work and leaves you feeling exhausted by the end of the day. But it is also imperative that it happens as I have to pay for all the stock in the shop!

I have started to receive some of my deliveries of stock that I have ordered which is very exciting as well! Opening the boxes is a lot like Christmas! :D

I have also had my first supplier mini war which looks to end today. Basically a company that have been stocked for the previous 4 1/2 years have decided to go ahead and sell to the toy shop around the corner from me. His shop is a tacky Toy Kingdom type affair and not deserving of gorgeous products. However when I asked for exclusivity and placed a 2 and a half grand order with them, they told me that they would not be exclusive to me. I immediately cancelled about 2 grand worth of the order, then spent last night searching for a product to replace the other part of the order. I have found it, and will call that company today to request that I stock their brand. If the answer is yes, then I will completely drop the other company as I am totally pissed off with them and quite frankly won't put up with non loyalty! I'm pretty sure they tried to call my bluff, but it has backfired badly for them!

Monday is rapidly approaching and I am nervous as anything. My mood switches from being very confident in myself to wondering if I can actually pull this whole business woman thing off. It's killing me emotionally and I really wish I had more confidence in myself sometimes.

I got my Moo minicards in the mail yesterday and they are soooooo gorgeous! Can't wait to start handing them out! :D

I also can't wait to be able to post some pics once I have the shop looking awesome! Keep your eyes out for them.

Time to get ready for work now ... will be another big day of mind numbing counting for me. And on Monday it will all be mine!!!! :D

I typed in my name and ... Oh My ....

What's Sexy About Your Name

You are sexy because you are very physically attractive. You're the type of person many people find sexy. And you make sure that you always look your best. You love turning heads. You have major sexual chemistry with a lot of people. You provoke strong emotions. Some people strongly dislike you, but it's only because they want you so badly. And you're not above turning enemies into lovers. You're a true rule breaker when it comes to sex. No one is going to fence you in. If it feels good, you're into it. Physical gratification is the most important thing to you.

What's Sexy About Your Name?

Getting closer ...

So I actually wanted to vlog this, but I have a couple of ferals who keep yelling out in the same room as me, so it's not going to happen right now! Maybe later.

I have ordered a lot of stock for the shop and I am starting to get nervous about it all being my responsibility in just over a week! I went in and worked at the shop the other day, very easy job, but then again I didn't exactly do a lot! I just sold stuff to peeps :D In a weeks time however, I will have to reorganise the whole shop. The layout it not how I want it and it needs a good clean. I also need things like a vacuum cleaner, a mini fridge, kettle, yadda yadda ... I have so much to do!

This morning I placed an order for a beautiful environmentally aware baby product. Gorgeous onesies made from bamboo. They're divine. The fabric is so soft and beautiful to the touch. They also have gorgeous vintage fabric accents to make them oh so unique. Very excited.

One thing I have noticed is the sheer amount of products out there. There are so many companies on the market and it can be very overwhelming. I can see that I am going to learn a lot along the way. Having always been in fresh food retail the good thing about this is that my products won't have an immenent expiration date! Other than seasonal changes of course.

I did learn the other day that in the area I live, which is a relatively small town, has 160 births every year. This is great for me as they can all buy their newbie gifts from me!! :D

My next step is to get online. Quite scared about that. I am quite a noob technically so I hope I get someone willing to explain things to me in noob language and guide me through everything! I hope that eventually the majority of my sales come from my online business that way I can offer things that I simply could not offer in a small country town. There is some money here, but also a lot of people tight with their money! It's going to be interesting to see how some of the labels I have secured go. Hopefully good.

I will be going in to the shop later today and could quite possibly be alone for some of it. Not really happy about that, as it's still not mine, but the other option was having the shop shut for part of the day, and that actually will hurt 'my' business. So, I'm heading in!

Then of course, it is the buying fair in Sydney this weekend. Such a hardship!!! I love Sydney and can't wait to go back there again. Also staying at The Rocks which is my fave part of Sydney. Should be GREAT :) Methinks cocktails on the harbour might be in order!!

My first fashion fair :D

So yesterday I went to my first Trade Fair for the fashion industry. I have to say I had an awesome time and I am so excited to be a part of this. I feel like I have found my niche.

I am so very excited about one particular label I managed to secure. They are based out of West Hollywood and have stockists all over the US but have only just brought their brand to Australia. I will be one of the first to stock them. They are funky and eclectic, fresh and fun. Not to mention absoulutely gorgeous. I had to buy pieces for my own kids while I was ordering for the shop! I have big plans for this label, I hope that it does as well as I am expecting.

On that note, the next thing I need to do is start building my website. Currently there is a dodgy site for my shop, but it needs MAJOR work and I also want to introduce online shopping. I have zero idea what I am doing here, so I have been researching companies based out of Melbourne that I can get to do all the work for me :D

I have a few other US brands that I am eager to stock and will start contacting them as soon as I take possesion of the shop.

Other exciting news to come out of the fair: Whilst I was talking to the girls about their brand they mentioned a big trade fair that is in New York and recommended that I try to make it there to see it. I mentioned this to hubby and he seemed to green light it! Will try to incorporate it in my trip to the US early next year.

So all in all, a successful first foray into this new career of mine. I am just so excited about it all.

Oh and in other news hubby bought himself a mini digger yesterday. No idea what for other than to say, boys and their toys!

In case there's no tomorrow, I love you.

I just had a terrible phone call with one of my best friends. She called to tell me that one of her friends had lost her husband in a car accident the night before last. He has left behind his wife and their two little boys aged four and three.

I cannot even begin to comprehend what she must be going through right now.

The accident happened only five minutes from home. She heard the sirens wailing at midnight then an hour later the police were knocking on her door with the tragic news.

My heart is broken into a thousand pieces for her right now.

My friend and I of course talked about all the things that are possibly happening right now. All the things that may have been left unsaid. Fights unresolved.

It has also got me to thinking about this online world that so many of us are so heavily involved in. I have made a lot of 'virtual' friends, friends that my husband, family and friends don't know. I wonder what would happen if I died ... how would you all find out? Who would care? Is a virtual friendship as important as a real life one? I know I have online friends that I would be truly devastated to discover if some tragedy had befallen them. But how would I ever know?

For me, I would probably announce an exit from this online world, so if that never happens yet you see no more blogs, no Tweets and no uploads to flickr, chances are that awful thing that I can barely bare to talk about has happened to me.

Currently there are people in my life who I have left things unsaid with. They range from family to friends. Some of them I don't have the courage to say the words I want, or need, to say to them. Others, I just haven't had the time, which is pathetic.

I've already kissed, hugged and told my husband and kids that I love them today. As I do every day. But I haven't told my best friend that she means the world to me. I haven't told my mum and dad. And I haven't told others some things I should have.

Sometimes life comes and kicks you in the guts and fucks it all up. Tell the people that are important to you what they mean to you. There may not be a tomorrow.

Sanctuary

So, I want to ask, what's or where is your sanctuary? For me it's the bathroom (and for clarification I mean where I shower, not the toilet). The bathroom is the only place in my house that I can ever be truly alone. It's where I do all my best thinking. It's where I relax. Where I contemplate my navel. Study my face for all its imperfections. Where I check out the baby belly in the mirror and (thankfully) watch it shrinking every day (long way to go yet though!). Sometimes I get so lost in thoughts in the shower that I don't realise exactly how long I've been in there and when I check my watch it can be 20 minutes later. The shower is also the place where I can cry, where no one can see me and no one knows. Where I can let it all out and emerge fresh as a daisy feelin' fine.

My one other sanctuary is my car. When I go for a drive on my own, in the R32. When I have the music loud, when it's completely my choice. Where I can have the sunroof open and the wind blowing around me. I could drive for hours and hours and hours. I love it. Any excuse to drive and I'm there. Bit of a passion of mine though, as I come from a teeny bit of a racing pedigree (don't laugh) ... my Dad was a rally driver way back when .. he actually raced against Brocky when he was just starting out (for the record Brocky whooped Dad's ass). Dad taught me to drive. I didn't have lessons from a driving school .. I had lessons with Dad. One of the first times he took me out he took me to a gravel road, told me to floor it to 100kph then lock the brakes up. He taught me how to really drive. How to feel the car. Probably why I love cars and driving as much as I do.

So, that's it, just wanted to share where my sanctuaries were :D

Awesome Women

I'm just home after spending the afternoon with my best friend from high school. We've been friends for nearly (omg) 20 years and now I have moved back home we pathetically had only managed to catch up once in 3 months! So today we got together for a coffee and freakily managed to BOTH be without kids for the afternoon! It was unbelievable.

We got to talking about my trip of course and we talked about how I got a little (okay a lot) emotional on seeing the Hollywood sign. See, we both studied Drama in high school together (it's how we got to become really close friends) and she told me about a bad experience she had with another of our teachers. Basically he had been dating her mum, and when it all went sour, he failed my friend, thus ending her chances of further success in the field of acting.

This got me thinking about how influential our teachers are, and how one little thing can change the course of a persons life. Both these drama teachers we had have a hell of a lot to answer for and I truly hope that they questioned their abilities and worth as teachers. Of course they probably didn't, but I can live in hope.

We are still both awesome women regardless of what they said to us. Both of us are mums and businesswomen and have successful lives. But we both talked of the 'what ifs' this afternoon ... what if we had both made it and gone to study at NIDA ... just where would we be today?

I had such a good time this afternoon, being with someone who knows my secrets exactly like I know all hers. A friendship that has survived heartbreak and distance. We both missed each others weddings as she was in WA when I married in Victoria, and I was in WA when she married in Victoria! But she is and has been my best friend through everything and I am so glad that now we can share our awesome lives together in the same town again!

(For you Nat .. thank you for the last however many years! PS I still can't get over those couple of weeks you stole Matt from me before we became really good mates!! I also cannot get over the fact that he gave you MY ring ... thanks for giving it back to me but!!)

Yay for me!

Well, the big news is on hand! Today I bought a business!!!! I still cannot believe that I will be returning to PAID work at the end of the month! I'm excited, scared, nervous but most of all optimistic that I will achieve all the goals that I have set myself. I am so so happy right now. As soon as things become a little more official I will update details ... :D

Broken

It hasn't happened for a long time now and yet after such a positive week I should have seen it coming ... Master 4 got to me so much today that he broke me. I wound up sobbing my heart out as I just didn't have the strength to deal with him anymore. Every day my ability as a mum is tested and on the whole I think I do okay ... but every now and then I get defeated. There are so many positives for parenting and I wouldn't change my life for the world ... but man is this the hardest job in the world or what? I feel a sense of guilt about going back to work, which I am sure I shouldn't but ... geez .... haha ... mother guilt. Arrives the day your first child is born and goes with you to your grave. Meh ... I'm okay, just had to get that off my chest. Back to regular programming ...

Busy :)

So I've been home for a week now, and I finally don't look tired anymore! I have had a very busy week checking over all the leases and profit/loss statements for the shop I want to buy. On Monday I meet with the landlord to have a chat about what she'll let me do to the shop. All being okay, looks like I will be going ahead! So excited! I have been researching brands and labels that I want in my shop and also checking out shops overseas to see what they are doing. I have been the busiest and most productive I have been in ages! I really want this to work ... urgh, I keep saying that I know, but this is my online journal so it's kinda like an affirmation of sorts! Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my weekend, do a bit more searching for things and then hopefully have some exciting news to share early next week!! :D

I have a dream ...

And for me, it's a big dream. I don't like to do things by halves. I like to think and dream big and this idea of mine is no exception. I am currently in talks to buy a business. It's only little and due to personal circumstances the owner has let it slip a fair bit. But it's there, and it is a platform to be developed and expanded. On Monday I will be meeting with the landlord of the building to see if she is as forward thinking as I hope she is.

Being hard working and very successful in the past has given me this unbelievable drive to do it all again. I have a passion for something that I believe I can manipulate into success. If I build it, they will come :)

I'm going to throw myself into this heart and soul and I hope that within a couple of years it is at the point that I can work 100% from home. Oh boy, I am so excited and optimistic right now!

Home

Home. Back to reality. My flight from LA to Melbourne was easy and uneventful. I was upgraded to Business class again for the flight home and I am glad as I got to sleep for about 6 hours. I was sitting next to a woman who was in Fashion and who had just done an uber 9 day trip of London, Tokyo, New York and LA. She was great to talk to and we chatted about all the things that I had done and now want to do and she offered me some great advice which I will take onboard and try to apply to my future.

The biggest news to come out of my time away is that it looks as though I may return to work full time and hubby will become a stay at home Dad!! This is both exciting and daunting, thinking that I will be the major breadwinner for the household. Although hubby can work from home as well, so at least it won't be solely on my shoulders. I have two major ideas at this time that I am looking into. Both involve possible travel which is something that I was hoping to incorporate into my career.

I am very optimistic though unsure of my abilities. If I were a more confident person I wouldn't have these worries. It is something I am going to work on. In LA I met lots of people in my everyday activities, like cab drivers for instance, some of whom offered changes to my perspective. One cab driver told me that my name was too plain. "No, no you cannot just be Penny. From now on you are Beautiful Penny." He was hilarious and wouldn't let me leave the cab til I had said what my name was maybe half a dozen times! Now while I still believe he was a bit over the top, the essence of what he said, to me, is that I need to believe in myself and believe that I am better than nothing. I'm certainly going to try.

So, wish me luck and let's hope that I can be "all that" and watch this space, as always, to see if I achieve my dreams.

Home time ...

So, it's nearly all over. It's nearly time for me to go home. Nearly time for a 15 hour flight over the Pacific. I can't wait to hold each and every member of my family. I'm looking forward to being back in Australia. Smelling the clean air.

My favourite moments from this trip? Seeing the Hollywood sign for the first time, the Getty Centre, Rodeo Drive and the Griffith Observatory.

I think I grew a lot on this trip. A lot of time alone, a lot of thinking done.

I'm taking so much with me, but I think I'm leaving a little piece of me here.

Last night in Santa Monica

So I'm sitting here in my room watching the sunset. Tonight is my last night in LA, although I don't fly out until around just after 11.30PM tomorrow so I still have one full day left here.

I have loved my time here, although I will be glad to get back to my family as I have missed them a lot. Apparently my little baby girl has moved from her bassinet to a cot since I have been gone and I missed that! That makes my heart faulter a little bit.

This time I have had alone has been really clarifying. I have made some decisions about what I am going to do with my life. I have never been more optimistic.

This last week here in LA has been great for me and I have done things that I have dreamt about for such a long time. Parts of my stay I will keep with me always.

I am so grateful that I got to experience this. It was a long time coming, but I have now done it, and I feel that I have gained a lot of independence and growth from this trip. Now the next bit is to apply this to my life back at home and hope that I can be an even better mum and try to have that career that I have always wanted.

Rodeo Drive

This morning I visited Beverly Hills, or more specifically, Rodeo Drive. It's very pretty which is to be expected given all the top fashion houses there. I walked all around Rodeo first before I visited any shops so that I could make my choices!

My first stop was a sunglasses shop where I indulged in a new pair (brand new Chanel ones, the first pair they had sold!). They are smokin' hot sunnies if I do say so myself. Next I wandered in to La Perla. Given my love of lingerie it was impossible to leave here without something. Mind you, and the price of La Perla I may frame the set I bought and hang it on the wall!!! I wandered all over looking at shoes shoes and more shoes, but I just cannot resist Jimmy Choo. The shoes there are impossibley exquisite so I had to buy another pair! I'm sooooo bad.

I then had brunch on Rodeo (yes, brunch peeps!) watching the world go by. Another stop in a few more shops and I then walked around for a few blocks.

I'm totally loving all the walking that I have been doing. Best way to explore a new place is to walk I reckon. It was getting pretty hot and I had a lot of bags :D so I decided to cab it back to Santa Monica. Today both my cab drivers have NOT tried to kill me (which is a first) so I got back to Santa Monica without needing defribrilation.

Ah, another successful morning in Los Angeles ....

The Getty Centre

Today I visited the Getty Centre, an architectural delight high up on a hill overlooking Los Angeles. I had been looking forward to seeing the Getty Centre so much and I am pleased to say that it lived up to all my expectations and then some. It wasn't just the arcitecture. Though that was brilliant and clean and wonderful. It wasn't looking at beautifully and meticulously landscaped gardens and sitting under some fabulous trees drinking it all in. It wasn't staring at beautiful beautiful paintings by Monet (my fave from the Impressionists) or Van Gogh, Rembrandt or Renoir. It wasn't even the brilliant photographs that graced the walls, showing people whose lives could be told simply through their eyes. No, for me, the Getty Centre was brilliant because of the views.

Unfortunately it was quite smoggy today, so my pictures are not much, but I could see all the way to Santa Monica and to downtown LA. It was BRILLIANT. Seeing a massive freeway cut right through the centre and glisten in the sun was something I have only ever imagined. The freeways here are like nothing I have ever seen before. I mean, I've lived in a city (hello Perth!) but your four lane Stirling Highway has nothing on seeing 12 lanes of traffic, all bumper to bumper cut through the landscape! And the smog of Melbourne? Pffft ... it's got nothing on here baby. But you know what? I love it. I totally love it. I'm such a city girl at heart I think! Don't get me wrong, there are soooo many things I love about the country, and that is where I want to be for my kids to grow up, but I think I have realised that I really truly love the city. The pace of it. The chaos. I adore it.

Tonight I risked a walk down to Santa Monica Pier in the DARK. And I am so glad I did. It has such a different feel to it at night. Was wonderful. I found a tank top that said Pirate Wench on it so I had to buy it!!

Now I'm having a few drinks and relaxing. Three more nights and days then I fly home. I miss my family tremendously but this has been so good for me to get away. Have had a lot of time to think and I know what I want to do with my life now. And you know what, I'll be damned if I let anyone steal this from me. From now on I know what I am capable of, and if anyone tells me otherwise, I'll tell them to go to hell. My 'Hollywood' dream will be a reality :D

From Hollywood to Melrose

I should actually begin by saying that yesterday I saw Santa Monica Pier, 3rd Street Prominade and took a wander down Main Street checking out all the little shops down there. I had a great day and walked heaps. Santa Monica Pier was fantastic to see, but what I liked the most was looking north to the cliffs and hills around Malibu. Totally gorgeous.

But the best part of my trip so far happened this morning. I went into Hollywood and saw the infamous Hollywood sign with my own eyes. Insignificant to some, I'm sure, but to me this was a 20 year dream come true. I am not afraid to admit that as I stood there tears came to my eyes at a dream realised. When I was 12, all I wanted to do was act (cliche, I know). But I did. I was so very passionate about it. I studied drama all through school and my two dear Drama teachers supported me the whole way through. My dream was always to go to NIDA to study and to hopefully make it big. Then in Year 12 I continued my drama studies but it got a lot harder and my beloved drama teacher retired and he was replaced by an English teacher. We didn't gel from the start, he was a teacher I had never liked and having him teach my favourite subject came as a real blow. Less than a quarter of the way through Year 12, just after I had out countless hours of preparation into my exam (which was a monologue performance) he told me that I was not good enough to persue acting. I was ugly he told me. My whole world came crashing down and I quit the subject and went on to complete Year 12 and high school with my dreams of NIDA shattered. So today when I saw that sign, what it meant to me came flooding back. How one person crushed my little confidence and ended a dream. Had I been a stronger person back then, I would have continued regardless, but I wasn't, so it all fell apart. I must have stared at that sign for half an hour today before I decided to walk thru Hollywood along Hollywood Boulevard looking at all the stars on the pavement. I kept walking. And walking. West along Hollywood Blvd, down along Sunset, all streets I have dreamed about for years. I walked all the way to Melrose Ave.

On Melrose I had a true LA moment that made me laugh. I was in Marc Jacobs looking at handbags and saw one that I absolutely loved. I asked if they had it in black. The sales assistant looked it up and said they did indeed have it in black and he would get it to show me. A few moments later he was back as he could not find it. 'Maybe it's in the window on the mannequin' he said, so he went to look. When he came back in the chick assistant said (total American drawl) 'oh ya know, I think Winona has it on loan' .... 'oh that's right she does' he said. 'Winona Ryder you know. I can get it back of her for you if you like. Her assistant just drops back stuff whenever ya know' ... I had to laugh. It's okay, I said (like I want a used handbag!!! I don't care if it was used by Winona, I wanted my OWN bag). Also, how come she only loans it??? She has waaaaaaay more money than me, she could have bought it with change no doubt. Anyway, I bought a different one, same style just smaller, then I got the guys to call me a cab. While we were waiting we got chatting and before I knew it they had drawn me maps (including directions to where tha paparazzi hang out!!) offered me water and champagne and told me all the cool places to check out. Was well worth the visit.

This afternoon I had a pedicure and a manicure (including the best arm and calf massage ever) then wandered down to Macy's (which looks EXACTLY like Myer) to buy another suitcase so I don't have to worry about not being able to fit all my stuff in. Now I am having a glass of wine and watching the sunset. Tomorrow I think I will visit the Getty Centre and drink in some of the arty side of California.

I really do love it here :D

Sunny Santa Monica!

Today I flew from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. It was a brilliant flight of only 40 minutes which I was so very happy about, especially as it was scheduled to be 1 hour and 10 minutes!! When I landed in LA it was noticably cooler than Vegas but much more humid. LAX is enormous! The biggest airport I have been in thus far.

I got a cab and left LAX for Santa Monica. My taxi driver was a French American hell bent on trying to get us killed in traffic! But he was a great conversationalist and told me all about 'Australian kissing' (apparently the french version of french kissing) and laughed hysterically at his own story!! We talked about all my kids and the fact that my hubby let me (I love that, every one says he let me come here ... does he own me? I sure as hell don't own him, nor he me, and we both like this arangement) come to the US alone. When he heard I had three kids he looked at me in the rear view mirror and said 'like making babies do ya??' with a raised eyebrow. Ho hum! But he was a laugh and totally harmless so I gave him a good tip (be kind to ya mum LOL) and he said he'd come back any time to give me a ride!!

My hotel in Santa Monica is unbelievably awesome!! I have an ocean view and a sliding door that opens onto a balcony (ie an inch wide with a railed fence) to let all the gorgeous breeze in. I was immediately reminded of Perth when I opened the door, especially when we lived in South Fremantle and the Freo Doctor used to come in every afternoon.

The afternoon flew by in a wonderful blur and before I knew it I had drunk a whole bottle of Veuve Cliquot by myself and realised I was exhausted. I flopped on the bed and fell asleep. Now I have a second wind and thought I would quickly write this before going to sleep. Tomorrow I plan on seeing Santa Monica Pier and 3rd Street Prominade for some shopping :D As always, you'll find out about my day here :D Night all!

Still living it up in Vegas

Last night was amazing!

It started at around 6pm when I went to see Cirque du Soleil performing Ka. I got to my seat and there was a photographer roaming around taking pics of people to commemorate their evening. She came and asked me if I'd like my pic taken and suggested she get one of the guys in character to sit with me. I thought that would be a good idea so I didn't look a complete loser :) So, she asked this guy who was so nice to come over. He started by asking me if I was flirting with him, then sat down and said "oh my you smell edible!!" The photographer took our pic and it took ages cos he kept making me laugh with all the flirting he was doing. Was a lot of fun!

The show started and it was AWESOME. Those guys sure know how to stun and amaze! They must be the fittest people on the planet too. The costumes were amazing and colourful.

At the end of the show the pics were available out the front. Mine was unreal. I am so glad that I got it taken. The photographer told me that she told the guy we'd make a cute couple ... awwwww :D

Then I came back to my room to have a few drinks for some dutch courage to go out alone. It's kinda hard to go out by yourself when most people are her with lots of other people or at least their partner. So I quickly drank a couple of beers then headed out. After a few laps of one of the bars here I forced myself to go inside and sit down. Luckily for me I ended up chatting to 2 Irish guys who arrived the same day as me and were starting a road trip. We had quite a few drinks which was not so good for me as the drinks hit me kinda hard and before I knew it I was a lot drunk!

I think I got in around 2 am then crashed. Unfortunately for me, I am cursed by a body clock that wakes early no matter what, so was up again at about 7am ... grrrr

Today I have had a great massage and lost more money on the slots. Thinking about heading out for one last look around, then will go out for a few drinks tonight before I have to leave early for the airport and LA tomorrow! So excited about going to LA. SO many things I want to do there and experience. Can't wait to be by the beach too.

Viva Las Vegas baby!!!

So, I am here! Finally!! It seems like forever ago that I booked my ticket for this trip, and yet it came around so so quickly. Now I am here and having a blast!

Yesterday went by kinda blurry, but I'm not surprised after 14 hours flying from Melbourne to LA, waiting 3 hours in a dodgy lounge with no fresh air, then another hour on a car with wings to get to Vegas! I then stayed up all day, went shopping and finally dragged myself into bed just before 11pm. I then had THE best sleep, so so deep and uninterrupted and woke up around 7am. That, for me, is a massive sleep!! I took it easy getting ready and have just visited the Bellagio shops this morning, where every shop I entered assistants wanted me to part with cash. Of course, me being me, I obliged in a few of them ;)

Now I am sitting in my room, having a coke, resting my feet for a minute before I head back downstairs to have a go on the slot machines. If I get enough courage, I may also have a go at one of the card tables! Knowing me though, that would result in empty pockets fairly quickly!

I have noticed that everyone tries to get you to eat more here. I ordered a salad for dinner last night, which was awesome I have to say, but it came with a side dish of THREE dinner rolls and SIX packets of crackers!! Plus, THREE portions of butter, which I might add are twice the size of Aussie portions!! Then this morning, I ordered coffee, juice and a croissant for brekkie, only to be asked if I wanted the continental brekkie because it came with two more pastries! No, I do not want to put on any weight while I am here, and get type 2 diabetes from all the extra food!! I have also been avoiding all the motorised walkways that are EVERYWHERE here and using my *gasp* own legs and feet to get places. Also getting used to walking on the right everywhere, though I have managed to crash into a few people cause I was on the left! Whoops.


So, it's off downstairs for me now. Going to see Cirque de Soliel tonight which should be fantastic. Have only been to one of their shows and that was awesome, so I am sure this one will be too. I'm hoping that I have some luck gambling, but am not going to hold my breath on that one!! :D

Some thoughts

What I am looking forward to:

Choosing what time I wake up, not being woken by a human alarm clock
Not having to check my top for spew before I go out the door
Being able to go out at any time of day
Not having to pack for 5 people
Not having to take a water bottle, vegemite sandwich and banana with me everywhere
Catching up with some special people
Being able to stay as long as I want in the shop of my choice
Staying up late and sleeping in
Shopping
Seeing LA and (cliche time) the Hollywood sign
Seeing the lights of Vegas
Not having to decide what to cook every night


What I am going to miss

The sound of my kids giggling
Miss 5mths gurgling as she drifts off to sleep and her big gummy smile
Miss 2 saying 'roos!' every time she sees a kangaroo and her kisses
Mr 4's totally brilliant drawing and his big cuddles
Hubby, in general, but particularly how secure he makes me feel
The clean air and bright stars that I am already so used to
My car and driving (may have to hire fancy pants car to take for a spin along coast)

But, oh my, I am so utterly totally 100% fantastically excited right now!!!

Starting packing today!

Okay, I think I am ready to start packing my suitcase. I have purchased everything I could possibly need to take with me including new clothes (hoping I am not the only person who buys new things to take on holiday when one of their main focuses of said holiday will be shopping). Now I am going to get my suitcase down and start throwing stuff in it. I am the ultimate overpacker so if I start now I will be giving myself a week to make some changes to my planned wardrobe. Being a denim freak though I am not entirely sure I can take less than 5 pairs of jeans though, so let's see where else I can cut down! Good thing it's summer in the US so I don't have to pack anything too bulky! The fear is starting to lessen now and I feel a bit more excited than I did a couple of days ago. I have been spending lots of quality time with my little Smirnoff (who will be 5 months old the day I leave) and getting lots of giggles out of her. I'm going to miss her the most I think. I know that's bad to have a 'favourite', but it's only because she is my baby that I will miss her the most. Have loaded lots of pics of the ferals onto my iphone so I can look at them when I'm away. I hope she doesn't change too much or do anything new while I'm gone. I've been there for all my kids 'firsts' and would hate to miss one! But enough about that, as it only makes me scared of leaving again!! Must be excited, it's truly going to be the best adventure! :D

Scared stupid :)

So I am now just over a week away from jumping on a plane for the trip of my lifetime (so far). I admit, I am scared beyond belief right now. There have been moments these last few days that I have had serious doubts about going and hubby has had to reinforce how good it is going to be and quell my fears to get me to look forward to it with excitement again. I'm scared of leaving my kids behind for 12 days, particularly the two littlest ones. I imagine that they'll change heaps and I'll miss it. On the other hand, I know in order to be a better mum I need this break away from them to rest and reinvent myself (it sounds corny, I know, but after more than 4 years of staying home I need something new to happen to me). I'm sure once I get my bags packed and get to the airport I will be bubbling with excitement (especially if my upgrade to business comes through!!) and looking forward to being able to chill out and relax on my 14 hour journey to LA. I'm sure I am just suffering from the jittters. I'll update how I feel this time next week, when I have only 2 days to go!!

The first time

Something prompted me to blog about the first night I got hammered tonight (actually, it was a reference to me being the MacGyver of alcohol (thanks Charp!!) on twitter), so here goes ... hope it might make you laugh a little ...

So, I was 14, I think. I got one of my brothers mates to buy me and my bestie a bottle of Southern Comfort (ew). He was 3 years older than us, so getting the booze was no trouble for him. I had the venue. We lived in the country, and we used to have a caravan in the backyard for relies who came to visit to stay in, kinda like a spare room. Anyhow, me and the bestie got the booze and organised a sleepover. Then we took to the van.

To start with, let's get this out of the way ... I did not have a lesbian experience this night.

I did however get raucously drunk. We drank the Southern straight (how, I have no idea. That shit burns and tastes like utter shit). We turned up the music. We drank some more. After some time we decided we needed to pee. The outside dunny (yes, true country form, outside loo) was literally 15 metres from the van, but NOOOOOO, that would be too easy and lady like. The bestie and I decided the best thing to do would be to both squeeze our butts out the van door (at the same time I might add) drop our daks and pee on the step (classy, I know). At that VERY MOMENT in true 'first time getting pissed without parents knowledge, my dad opened up the back door, which was in direct line of site of the van door to check whether we were okay or not!!!

Needless to say, I'm not sure I have ever been able to look at my dad the same knowing that he saw mine and my besties bums hanging out the van door taking a drunken pee ...!!!

Ah, good times. That van holds soooo many memories for me. It became 'the' hangout for years. Boys were able to be snuck in and with 2 double beds, there was plenty of room!! So many bottles of crappy alcohol were drunk and shared there and so many memories made.

A couple of years ago, after years of decomposing, Dad burnt the van to the ground. All that was left was the axle ...

Burning away the thoughts of what his youngest daughter did in there perhaps?!?!? :D

What am I forgetting?

So, it's less than 2 weeks before I embark on my adventure, and I really feel like I am forgetting something ...

I have my passport, it's new, so it's one of those machine readable ones that I need to get into the states. I don't need a Visa, as apparently I sign a form (a Visa Waiver Program document) that lets me into the US as a visitor on holiday. I have travel insurance. I have my flights booked and accommodation ready to go. I have a new suitcase. I have all manner of travel containers for shampoo, conditioner etc etc that I need. I have ordered US dollars which I will pick up from the bank next week. I have shopping lists (yay!!), camera (need new SD card though as I can't format the new one I bought, dammit), phone switched onto International Roaming. I've bought 2 books for the plane. I have a mini laptop .... I have clothes, shoes and myself .... I have my iphone full of music and also considering taking hubby's ipod nano ...

What am I forgetting?

Trashed, again

I'm sitting here thinking. I'm thinking about lots of different shit, but this thought is recurring. I wonder how many years of my life I am losing by drinking alcohol on a regular basis. The thing is, I use it as a stress reliever. So what I wanna know is what would kill me quicker? A calming glass of wine on a daily basis or the heart thumping stress and anger built up by years of raising children and feeling ENORMOUS mother guilt?

If you know the answer, please let me know :D

Escaping!

In 3 weeks time I will be nervously waiting for Monday morning to arrive as I will be getting on a plane to go on a trip to the States. Alone. No kids and no hubby.

Consolation for my hubby is that I am flying our nanny from Perth over for the 10 days I am away (clarification: she is 18 and hot). The rumour mill is already in overdrive over this, and I already know that my parents, hubby's parents and all our friends (especially the guys) will be here often for a stickybeak!! :P

Since I married so very young (child bride springs to mind), I never got the chance to travel like most of my friends did and then when I finally got enough money to do it, I also had my 3 beautiful ferals which meant that I couldn't.

Then one day hubby and I got talking and he suggested that I just go and do it. Book a trip and go. Do all the things I wanted to do.

The only stipulation was that he rather I go somewhere that wasn't as appealing to him. I have wanted to visit LA since I was a kid. As a teenager I studied acting and wanted like ever other wannabe starlet to see Hollywood. And being a shopaholic and total utter shoe lover, I want to shop!! Easy decision to make. Los Angeles, here I come!

I also threw in a few days in Las Vegas which has horrified hubby as he would love to visit there himself (but I sorta did that without really telling him until after I did it! Ooops! :P )

I'm excited and I'm scared. I've never been overseas, so to be doing my first trip alone is a quite daunting but I know I'm going to have a ball, and the idea of spending hours not being interrupted by a child is awe inspiring.

I'm sure I will miss the kids (and the hubby, of course) but I absolutely cannot wait for this break, as it will be my first holiday since I had Sprat over four years ago. And if I had any doubt over this trip at all, it was alleviated tonight when I read these words in a book I bought today, "The Intelligent Traveller How to plan your perfect trip" by Jenny Herbet (quote is actually from Mark Twain)

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tradewind in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

OMG I have it! The Jeebus Phone!!

I have the iphone!!

So it took me a little longer than I had hoped, but nevertheless I am now the proud owner of one!! Yay me :D

Unfortunately for me, I cannot use it yet, as I want to unlock it so that I don’t have to go onto one of Telstra’s specified iphone plans and of course the ‘unlocking department’ at Telstra does not work on Saturdays so I have to wait until Monday morning to unlock it and then put my sim card into it.

But, at least I have one!! And it’s so pretty ...

Please can I have my iPhone now?

So, we moved interstate, moved from the city to the country, and although it is taking time for me to adjust, I can safely say that for the most part I am happy to have made the move. The advantages of moving here far outweigh the disadvantages although these last few days have been hard on me in respect to one thing: the iPhone.

The Jeebus phone.

On launch day, I took a chance at getting one and drove the 1/2 hour up the road to out nearest 'big' town (let me clarify: population roughly 60,000 hardly a thriving metropolis) to queue in the freezing cold for one. I had no luck, which was what I anticipated anyway. I then also had my name down for one (actually two) at Telstra, which they informed me may be a good month before they actually had them in store. I wasn't too fazed by this and had resigned myself to waiting for the pretty little thing until then. Next week, however, I am going down to Melbourne so I thought I would try my luck at one of the stores that actually had the phone for the launch. All good.

Today, however, the Telstra shop nearest to me calls me up, and this enthusiastic young man tells me that they have HEAPS in stock and I should come on up to get one. On my way!!! I exclaimed!

In the car for the 1/2 hour drive I go. Good thing I love driving and good thing I happened to be sans ferals so I was only too happy to be going out for a bit.

Just as I get there, my phone rings again. It's the Telstra dude. "I'm so sorry, but our General Manager has advised us that we aren't allowed to actually sell you the iPhone today."
"WTF??? I just got here!!"
"You're more than welcome to come and look at it though."
Look at it? I KNOW WHAT IT FREAKING LOOKS LIKE OTHERWISE WHY WOULD I BE SO EAGER TO FREAKING GET ONE!!!!!
"When will you be able to sell it?" I asked
"Can't say."

*sigh*

So, today I came this close to being the proud owner of the Jeebus phone, but alas, it wasn't to be. Having worked as a mobile phone salesperson for Telstra in a previous life, my guess is that they will be available tomorrow. In which case I'll just have to get back in the car and drive back up there again to get it.

A mothers instinct

So today something happened to me that I anticipated happening, but that I had thus far managed to avoid. Whilst carrying the newbie (who is now almost 4 months old) upstairs, I slipped on the top step and went down like a ton of bricks. I was carrying her in front of me and I fell forward. Somehow I managed to break her fall with my arms and although I frightened the hell out of her, she escaped unharmed aside from a small scratch on her face from my thumbnail. Somehow I managed to get my hand behind her head to shield it as I fell. It is only now, after having been and done the grocery shopping and carrying really heavy bags that I realise how much I actually hurt myself in the fall. I strained both my wrists and bruised the side of my right hand. I bruised my left elbow and badly knocked up both knees. My neck was also strained and I have some major shoulder pain, yet my little newbie is fine. I have always, always said that I would throw myself in front of a train to protect my children and I proved this today. The amazing part is that it was all pure instinct. It happened in a split second, I didn't have time to think about it, and yet my reflex was to protect my baby no matter what the consequence. I am totally ecstatic that this was the outcome. It proved my theory that I would indeed do whatever it took to protect one of my own :D

Personality

To most people, those I know personally and have grown with in the real world for years and also those I have met in the online world, would regard me as a terribly confident person. I am bolshy and loud, I talk a lot and have a great sense of humour. I poke fun at people and love it when people shit stir me back. But every now and then, my guard slips to reveal a rather shy and insecure person underneath. I’m paranoid at how people will perceive me ALL the time. I want people to find me witty and smart, funny and interesting. Not to mention that I hope people find me okay to look at as well! I spend an awful lot of time and money trying to be this person and yet I feel like I fall short all the time. I’m never quite the person I want to be. In the past, I only had to deal with these feelings in the real world, now my world has flowed over into the virtual as well, leaving me with two very separate lives that I need to manage. I was thinking today that although I have more enjoyment in my life as a result of the wonderful people I have met in ‘real life’ that I met online, I also have so much more insecurity. Will they like the real me? Not just the person who has 5 minutes to compose a sentence before writing it. The person who will speak straight away, often without thinking, and more often than not with a fair bit of wine in me! It’s a popularity game that reminds me of high school. I follow you on twitter, will you follow me back? What about FriendFeed? You may follow me on Twitter but you don’t there? Why not? Am I not interesting enough? And if I’m not, what the hell do I do to make myself more interesting? I have always tried to make a point of coming across as happy, and not whinging, particularly on my blog. But I wanted to write this. I suppose I wanted to let everyone know that behind my confident exterior is a person who has as many feelings to be hurt as the next, and an insecurity complex as much as the next also.
And the worst bit, I'm too scared to pimp myself on Twitter and tell people "New Blog Post", yet I want to write more than anything and to do that I need an audience!! Go figure, huh!

Back to the Gym!

So, we have been in Victoria for almost 2 weeks, and I joined the gym a few days ago to work at the dreaded 'baby belly' that inevitably found its way onto my body after 3 pregnancies (actually it was there after the first, but has got worse with each subsequent stretching!!). I told the lovely lady who signed me up that I was deadly serious and determined to work it off and so as she knows my determination, she spent the whole session pushing and pushing me, yelling at me to keep my belly sucked in and go 'faster, harder, faster!!!' ... which I did. This morning, I am suffering a world of pain, particularly in my obliques, but oh wow, it feels good! It's amazing how great the body feels after exercise! The endorphins rush around and make everything look better and more positive! I also tried to do a detox recently, and whilst I couldn't complete it (it required no eating, and I found this too hard with 3 little kids to not eat: I had zero energy), the 3 days I was on it made a big difference to how I feel and kick started a healthy nutritional pattern that I am also determined to continue. I was pleased that I could slip so easily back into a fitness routine. Going to the gym has always been important to me and I am a big advocate of it. But, oy! My body is telling me it worked out this morning! Ouch!!

Bit of blah

I have been trying to write a post about my big move, but it was such a shit day (mostly because of Qantas and Australian Air Express) that everything I write sounds like one big whinge. Now, I hate to whinge on this blog, so it's proving to be a little difficult to write. Having said that though, this blog is also very much a journal for me and I want to record the events of the day, so I hope to finish it tomorrow and post it for you all (and me).

In other news in my life, I am starting a detox tomorrow, so I will keep you updated with how that goes for me and what my moods too :D

How people arrive on my Blog

I get a great deal of amusement from looking at what people google in order to land on my blog. Most days I have a good chuckle about it. However, today I was totally laughing my arse off at this little effort ...



I can't help but feel a sense of disappointment for the poor bastard who clicked on that link and found my little ramble spot!!

Last post from this house :(

So, the house is a mess, with a massive pile of crap engulfing the dining table. We have soooo much shit coming with us that I have zero idea exactly how we will manage on the plane and at the airport even WITH people helping us at each end!! I have packed away all the food, yet forgotten to eat first (major d'oh), yet I haven't packed up the iMac yet (see what my priorities are can't you!!). Sometime tonight I will leave this house ready for the packers to come in tomorrow and do their bit. There's not much left that I can actually do now, yet it seems like I've not begun. Leaving Claremont will be very sad for me, but at least I have 2 weeks in Subiaco to numb the pain :)

I think I have cried every day since last Tuesday. Every time I think of having to say goodbye to my girls I tear up immediately. Hubby keeps asking if I want to change my mind, and I absolutely don't, but I am devastated to be leaving 3 girls in particular. I'm not sure which day will be the last day I see them so it's like russian roulette, wondering when it will actually end.

I wonder how I will feel tomorrow, when we are out of this house and effectively on 'holiday' for the next 2 weeks. Will I be as sad? Or will I be looking at this a little differently now that the physical hard part of sorting crap has been completed? I'll blog and let you know in a day or two :)

Crackberry Addiction

I came across this article this morning, 'Blackberry users becoming addicted to gadget' and it prompted me to write a bit of a response, seeing as though I am the proud owner of a Crackberry myself.

I initially bought the Blackberry for my hubby. I was just going to use it whilst I was in hospital following the birth of Kid3 as I knew I would want access to my emails and of course Twitter. I did, however, develop quite an attachment to it, so 8 weeks after my hospital stay I am still in possession of it and hubby has another phone of mine that I have done away with (!!).

My attachment to it though falls short of addiction, I think. I say 'I think' because I would be lost without it however I don't look at it constantly, nor take it to bed with me (unless hubby is away in which case I always take a phone to bed with me, Crackberry or otherwise). It is often on silent as I can't be arsed answering every call that comes my way. I'm a little bit of a 'screener' at times, plus I get so sick of any wally calling up for any old thing. Pisses me right off. But I digress. I was trying to establish if I were addicted or not. If I was at dinner with friends, I would ignore my phone at all times, the only exceptions to this are A) I'm out and a babysitter is at home with my kids or B) I'm out and hubby is home with kids. In these instances I will look at the phone to see if it the person taking care of my kids. If it is, I answer, if not, I let the call go to voicemail, as that is why it is there!! Emails ping constantly, so much so that I have them on silent (except for one account although I don't rush to check that unless I am alone, then I don't rush, I saunter LOL). So, I'm not in a mad rush to be in contact with everybody, but, I would be pretty upset if I didn't have my Crackberry and at a bit of a loss. Although, I would be quite willing to trade it for an iphone .. which begs my next point - will the iphone be the next crackphone?? Is it brand specific or function specific? A mobile phone with the ability to check emails and connect to the web no matter what brand surely makes it capable of being addictive, no?

So, would I suffer withdrawals without my Blackberry? Honestly, yes. But, I would suffer withdrawals without any form of communication so I'm not totally sure it's the Blackberry I'm addicted to, rather I'm addicted to communicating. And that is definitely something I could never live without.

My Tattoos

So I got a new tattoo yesterday. This was number 4 in my collection. And I love it! It totally rocks! There is something so very addictive about tattoos. It seems that once you get one it is very hard to stop there. Though I did have quite a break between tatts 2 and 3. I got my first tattoo when I was 18. I wrote off my hubbys (he was only my boyfriend then!) car in a rather bad accident. I was t-barred by a van with the drivers side bearing the brunt of the impact. The door of the Commodore wrapped around my leg and my seat was moved a good foot towards the passenger side. The roof tore with the impact and the car buckled. Yet somehow I climbed out through the passenger side, walked back around to the drivers side, reached in for the car phone (it was 1995, he had a CAR phone .. he was smokin'!!) and called the BF before collapsing into the arms of the guy who hit me. The ambos were called and upon arrival they saw me drinking tea (there is ALWAYS tea available after a car accident) and asked where the driver was. I said, 'here' .. they said 'you should be a lot worse. You could have died'. I booked my first tattoo shortly thereafter .. a four leaf clover on my back. My next tattoo was about a year later. I drew a yin yang inspired design and got that one on my upper thigh. I was 19. Then there was an 11 year gap. I didn't get my next tatt until I was 30. A beautiful butterfly on my lower back. It holds deep meaning for me, too deep to go into here. And then came my latest tatt. At 31, having had my last child (last planned child anyway. And trust me, I have ZERO plans for any more) I got the longitude and latitude of the birthplace of my 3 kids. I still want at least 2 more, though I'm not sure where I would get them. My 4 tattoos are all concealable .. in fact you wouldn't know I had tattoos unless I was in my underwear .. although my latest one can be seen above the waist of my jeans. I like to be able to hide them as it gives a little mystery! I love peoples reactions when they find out I have tattoos! There is such a stigma related to people with them even though it is becoming more and more mainstream. I wonder what I will think of them as I get older, which is why each of my tattoos has a specific meaning. They're not just pictures they're symbols of different parts of my life. My own illustrated story on my body. I like that.
If you're interested ... this is where my kids were born

Busy busy

So, there is a lot of stuff going on in my world at the moment. It's so full on and I barely have time to string a sentence together. We have had the removalists in to do a quote (which I should get back today and which I am anticipating to be HORRENDOUS) and had some friends over who are young and starting out and need furniture and household stuff to show them all the things we don't want. The nanny has been booked pretty much solidly for the next few weeks so we can pack our shit (of which there is an enormous amount). Eleven years of stuff to pack up. Eeek!

We will be moving out of our house mid May into a serviced apartment in Subiaco for a couple of weeks before we make the final trip to Victoria on June 2nd. I'm not thrilled with the idea of 2 weeks in an apartment, but we are not fair from a big park and the shops are VERY close, so we will have stuff to keep the ferals amused, I hope. Plus I have a lot of people to see before we go.

On top of all this I can't switch my brain off at all anymore. It is constantly thinking about so many different things. I have a lot of personal goals this year and I refuse to fail at any of them. Which means I keep on planning in my head and trying to find the time to work at them, but I think I need to just write off the next month and try to not think about stuff.

On an exciting front though, I am about to book in for my next tattoo! I can't wait. That's part of the problem with tatts though ... it gets kinda addictive. This will be number 4 (although I am incorporating it with another one) and I am looking forward to seeing the final result. Not looking forward to the pain so much though!

Anyway, busy day ahead again. My days are always busy yet I often get to the end of the day and wonder exactly what I did all day! Most days I feel like all I am is a 24/7 Dairy Queen!!

Also, the forecast for the day in Central Vic, where we are moving to, is 2C - 12C! ZOMG!! WA just rarely ever gets that cold. The coldest day I have experienced in WA was about 1C and that was a couple of years ago! Brrrrrr! Where we are going can easily and regularly get to minus 5C!!! Not happy about that. Although, it IS perfect boots and denim weather :D

Sad night :(

Pretty sad right now. Drank a bit too much tonight and got reflective. I started executing all the final parts of our move east today. Had the removalists here for a quote ... wrote an end of lease letter to my landlord ... booked accommodation for the 'in between' period .. and rang Qantas and booked a one way ticket to Melbourne. Even had to book in the cat.

I have a list of things to do a mile long still and can't bare to face it.

I have to say goodbye to my girls and it's gutting me.

I know that leaving is the best decision I could have made for my kids, but I am so so sad right now. I love Perth. I would live here forever if I could.

Doesn't help that I keep selecting all the sad ass songs on my ipod either!

8 random facts

Okay, well, this kinda sucks as I only just posted a 5 random facts post, but I was tagged by @Fifikins to write this, so I won't disappoint :D

1. I'm left handed, which generally speaking is a sign of creativity. Watch actors in films, they are often left handed. I love being a lefty! I am however quite talented as I can do a hell of a lot of things right handed. I play tennis right handed for example.

2. I had my first kiss at 11. First french kiss at 12. Different boys too. Though the boy I kissed at 11 I went on to date on and off until I was 17. He was the first guy I ever loved. After he broke my heart constantly, he asked me (at 17) to move to Alice Springs with him. Then I broke his heart and said no.

3. I grew up in the country, which I left at 20 to move to Perth. After 11 years here, we are moving back to the country to give our kids that same unique opportunity of having the freedom and safety that comes with country living.

4. I know a lot of people but only let a select few in. These friends mean the world to me and I am fiercely protective of them. If you are judged by the friends you keep, then I must be the luckiest person around.

5. I'm a cat person. I have always had a cat. My first cat (I was 4ish) was fluffy and grey and I called him Muffin. He grew so big (we nicknamed him Horse, like the cat from Footrot Flats) that mum made me change his name. So we called him Matthew. In year 12, when I was 17, I went on a 9 day trek across Tasmania. Before I left I said goodbye to Matthew. Halfway through the trek I turned to my best friend and said, 'Matthew just died'. When I got home I ran inside looking for him and saw mum's face. He had died the day I felt it. Still brings a tear to my eye. When we moved here we got a cat, Max. Max was the most awesome cat in the world and I was so protective of him. We got him from a shelter and he climbed on top of all these other little weeny kitties to get to me. He died suddenly and without reason just before he turned 8. That was a really hard day for me. Max was my baby. I was heartbroken. Fortunately we still had Russia, our little runt putty tat, who we also picked out from the same shelter. She was beaten badly as a kitten and sustained permanent injuries. She was only 5 months old when we got her, so I have no idea what kind of a person could have done that to her! She was so tiny and shy. Scared of men for years. It was only after Max died that she came out of her shell. She is still with us, thankfully.

6. I used to work at Dick Smith Electronics. This is funny as all hell to me as I am so not tech minded! Particularly back then! I used to sell all kinds of things to people that were so geeky. I used to get abused constantly by chauvinistic men who said I shouldn't be working in a man's world. Really, they should have said I shouldn't be working in electronics cos I was useless at it, not cos I was a woman!! I did, however, specialise in mobile phones and became very good at it. I would attend all kinds of Telstra dos and was constantly called by Telstra to commend my actions after happy costumers had called them regarding my 'expertise and help'. :D

7. I have never been overseas. I am going on my first trip overseas later this year, and going ON MY OWN! No kids, or hubby for that matter! Looking forward to doing something I should have done as a teenager.

8. I absolutely love lingerie and can't stand to wear boring practical cotton undies! I like the mystery of lingerie. Knowing what I have on underneath whilst no one else does!!

So there you go. Another 8 random facts. Now I have to tag 8 more people to do this, so here goes ...

@BZB
@jackienopants
@jjprojects
@delaynie
@mercy
@bronwen
@Devyl
@velvetsarah

Have fun and enjoy!!

Stay at home mums don't work? Yeah right.

So, in light of the fact that I barely had any sleep last night, I thought I would make a little mention of it here for all those people out there (and there are quite a few) who think stay at home mums have it easy.

I often get told that I don't work. Right. Let me just say that I would love to have an easy day job. In fact, my last job, which involved standing for 13 hours a day was far easier than being a mum. When I knocked off work I left my work there, came home, relaxed, ate dinner in peace, watched some TV, read the odd book, flicked through magazines, surfed the net, went out whenever I bloody felt like it, had spontaneous sex, ate and drank what I liked when I liked and slept for as long as I desired.

As a mum, I am on call 24/7. As a mum of a newborn this is really put to the test. I spend hours holding her during the day whilst trying to make sandwiches for the other two. I feed all day long and feel like a damn dairy queen most of the time. I barely eat, as by the time I have finished feeding 3 kids I'm not hungry any more. My dinner, if I get it, is often at 9pm, eaten standing up and cold. I haven't read a book in years. I buy magazines that can easily sit there for days before I even open them. I am often online, only because I can watch the kids playing in the backyard from my desk, but I spend a lot of time typing one handed as I am usually holding the Newbie. If I want to go out, I have to organise a babysitter. If I go out with 3 kids ... let's just say I rarely go out with 3 kids. Spontaneous sex is a thing of the past ... now it's more a quickie whenever I can (and with every conceivable contraception as I ain't going back for another kid!!). I have to watch what I drink and eat as it affects my milk and therefore affects the newbie. And sleep, well, last night was a fairly typical night for me .. I fell asleep on the couch around 11, woke up at midnight, fed until nearly 1am, back up at 2.30, fed til 3ish, then up at quarter to 5, fed til 5.30ish so decided what was the point in going back to sleep as the next kid would be up soon and if I wanted any chance of being showered for the day I had better do it now.

So it's 6.30am, I am showered and drinking coffee. It's been another hard night with barely any sleep ...

But I wouldn't trade my job for any other. Because as much as my ferals drive me insane they are the light of my life. And how special is it to look at something that you have created, that has grown inside you, that you have nurtured and watch grow.

Just don't tell me that I don't work!!

5 Teaser facts about me

As part of my quest to write my '100 Random Facts' I thought I would write a quick list of 5 .. kinda like a teaser!

1. I have 3 tattoos. A four leaf clover on my back, a little yin yang with a flower incorporated in it that I designed myself on my left thigh and a totally stunning butterfly on the small of my back. I am in the process of adding two more, one of which will be another of my own designs.

2. I like to drink, but I drink for pleasure not to get smashed ... okay, well sometimes I drink to get smashed! I often drink to dull the pain of the ferals! My all time favourite drink is Vintage Veuve Cliquot Champagne. The most expensive drink I have had is Penfolds Grange (1996) followed by Dom Perignon. I love Leeuwin Estate Chardonnay and a number of different reislings including but not limited to: Howard Park, Pikes, Leeuwin Estate and Castle Rock. I have spent countless hours in the wineries of Margaret River and the Great Southern, the Pyrenees region in Victoria and the Yarra Valley. Would love to travel Italy to discover it's wines (and food), France for it's champagne and red wines, New Zealand for it's Sauvignon Blanc and Santa Barbara in California because I loved the film Sideways (good reasoning huh?).


3. My mum is a red headed, German born, highly strung perfectionist. My dad is UK born with a terribly dry sense of humour, a passion for travel and doing things with his hands. Both are very opinionated but somewhat pessimistic (in my opinion!!). I am a blend of the two of them, taking after my dad more. I have a high level of sarcasm, quite a temper (at times), an extreme need to travel and a bit of a perfectionist streak. However I am an optimist and believe my glass is always half full. If you're on the bottom rung, the only way is up.

4. I used to sing, play piano and even dabbled with the guitar. My brother had a band and I used to mess about with them whilst they jammed. I wrote songs for them which were recorded as well. I would love to continue singing but don't have the time to take lessons. So I sing to myself constantly. I would like to point out that I RULE at Singstar ... no one comes close .... :P

And 5. My ferals drive me nuts, are hard work, make me reach for the alcohol every night and reduce me to tears on an almost daily basis, but I would throw myself under a bus to protect them and would rather die than let anything happen to them. As proof of this, (small fact but true) even though I am terrified of spiders I have squished them with my bare hands to stop them getting to my kids. And I always will.

OK I have a number 6. I am in the preparation stages of writing my first book. :D

Hope you enjoyed a little insight into me!