Broken

It hasn't happened for a long time now and yet after such a positive week I should have seen it coming ... Master 4 got to me so much today that he broke me. I wound up sobbing my heart out as I just didn't have the strength to deal with him anymore. Every day my ability as a mum is tested and on the whole I think I do okay ... but every now and then I get defeated. There are so many positives for parenting and I wouldn't change my life for the world ... but man is this the hardest job in the world or what? I feel a sense of guilt about going back to work, which I am sure I shouldn't but ... geez .... haha ... mother guilt. Arrives the day your first child is born and goes with you to your grave. Meh ... I'm okay, just had to get that off my chest. Back to regular programming ...

Busy :)

So I've been home for a week now, and I finally don't look tired anymore! I have had a very busy week checking over all the leases and profit/loss statements for the shop I want to buy. On Monday I meet with the landlord to have a chat about what she'll let me do to the shop. All being okay, looks like I will be going ahead! So excited! I have been researching brands and labels that I want in my shop and also checking out shops overseas to see what they are doing. I have been the busiest and most productive I have been in ages! I really want this to work ... urgh, I keep saying that I know, but this is my online journal so it's kinda like an affirmation of sorts! Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my weekend, do a bit more searching for things and then hopefully have some exciting news to share early next week!! :D

I have a dream ...

And for me, it's a big dream. I don't like to do things by halves. I like to think and dream big and this idea of mine is no exception. I am currently in talks to buy a business. It's only little and due to personal circumstances the owner has let it slip a fair bit. But it's there, and it is a platform to be developed and expanded. On Monday I will be meeting with the landlord of the building to see if she is as forward thinking as I hope she is.

Being hard working and very successful in the past has given me this unbelievable drive to do it all again. I have a passion for something that I believe I can manipulate into success. If I build it, they will come :)

I'm going to throw myself into this heart and soul and I hope that within a couple of years it is at the point that I can work 100% from home. Oh boy, I am so excited and optimistic right now!

Home

Home. Back to reality. My flight from LA to Melbourne was easy and uneventful. I was upgraded to Business class again for the flight home and I am glad as I got to sleep for about 6 hours. I was sitting next to a woman who was in Fashion and who had just done an uber 9 day trip of London, Tokyo, New York and LA. She was great to talk to and we chatted about all the things that I had done and now want to do and she offered me some great advice which I will take onboard and try to apply to my future.

The biggest news to come out of my time away is that it looks as though I may return to work full time and hubby will become a stay at home Dad!! This is both exciting and daunting, thinking that I will be the major breadwinner for the household. Although hubby can work from home as well, so at least it won't be solely on my shoulders. I have two major ideas at this time that I am looking into. Both involve possible travel which is something that I was hoping to incorporate into my career.

I am very optimistic though unsure of my abilities. If I were a more confident person I wouldn't have these worries. It is something I am going to work on. In LA I met lots of people in my everyday activities, like cab drivers for instance, some of whom offered changes to my perspective. One cab driver told me that my name was too plain. "No, no you cannot just be Penny. From now on you are Beautiful Penny." He was hilarious and wouldn't let me leave the cab til I had said what my name was maybe half a dozen times! Now while I still believe he was a bit over the top, the essence of what he said, to me, is that I need to believe in myself and believe that I am better than nothing. I'm certainly going to try.

So, wish me luck and let's hope that I can be "all that" and watch this space, as always, to see if I achieve my dreams.

Home time ...

So, it's nearly all over. It's nearly time for me to go home. Nearly time for a 15 hour flight over the Pacific. I can't wait to hold each and every member of my family. I'm looking forward to being back in Australia. Smelling the clean air.

My favourite moments from this trip? Seeing the Hollywood sign for the first time, the Getty Centre, Rodeo Drive and the Griffith Observatory.

I think I grew a lot on this trip. A lot of time alone, a lot of thinking done.

I'm taking so much with me, but I think I'm leaving a little piece of me here.

Last night in Santa Monica

So I'm sitting here in my room watching the sunset. Tonight is my last night in LA, although I don't fly out until around just after 11.30PM tomorrow so I still have one full day left here.

I have loved my time here, although I will be glad to get back to my family as I have missed them a lot. Apparently my little baby girl has moved from her bassinet to a cot since I have been gone and I missed that! That makes my heart faulter a little bit.

This time I have had alone has been really clarifying. I have made some decisions about what I am going to do with my life. I have never been more optimistic.

This last week here in LA has been great for me and I have done things that I have dreamt about for such a long time. Parts of my stay I will keep with me always.

I am so grateful that I got to experience this. It was a long time coming, but I have now done it, and I feel that I have gained a lot of independence and growth from this trip. Now the next bit is to apply this to my life back at home and hope that I can be an even better mum and try to have that career that I have always wanted.

Rodeo Drive

This morning I visited Beverly Hills, or more specifically, Rodeo Drive. It's very pretty which is to be expected given all the top fashion houses there. I walked all around Rodeo first before I visited any shops so that I could make my choices!

My first stop was a sunglasses shop where I indulged in a new pair (brand new Chanel ones, the first pair they had sold!). They are smokin' hot sunnies if I do say so myself. Next I wandered in to La Perla. Given my love of lingerie it was impossible to leave here without something. Mind you, and the price of La Perla I may frame the set I bought and hang it on the wall!!! I wandered all over looking at shoes shoes and more shoes, but I just cannot resist Jimmy Choo. The shoes there are impossibley exquisite so I had to buy another pair! I'm sooooo bad.

I then had brunch on Rodeo (yes, brunch peeps!) watching the world go by. Another stop in a few more shops and I then walked around for a few blocks.

I'm totally loving all the walking that I have been doing. Best way to explore a new place is to walk I reckon. It was getting pretty hot and I had a lot of bags :D so I decided to cab it back to Santa Monica. Today both my cab drivers have NOT tried to kill me (which is a first) so I got back to Santa Monica without needing defribrilation.

Ah, another successful morning in Los Angeles ....