Personality

To most people, those I know personally and have grown with in the real world for years and also those I have met in the online world, would regard me as a terribly confident person. I am bolshy and loud, I talk a lot and have a great sense of humour. I poke fun at people and love it when people shit stir me back. But every now and then, my guard slips to reveal a rather shy and insecure person underneath. I’m paranoid at how people will perceive me ALL the time. I want people to find me witty and smart, funny and interesting. Not to mention that I hope people find me okay to look at as well! I spend an awful lot of time and money trying to be this person and yet I feel like I fall short all the time. I’m never quite the person I want to be. In the past, I only had to deal with these feelings in the real world, now my world has flowed over into the virtual as well, leaving me with two very separate lives that I need to manage. I was thinking today that although I have more enjoyment in my life as a result of the wonderful people I have met in ‘real life’ that I met online, I also have so much more insecurity. Will they like the real me? Not just the person who has 5 minutes to compose a sentence before writing it. The person who will speak straight away, often without thinking, and more often than not with a fair bit of wine in me! It’s a popularity game that reminds me of high school. I follow you on twitter, will you follow me back? What about FriendFeed? You may follow me on Twitter but you don’t there? Why not? Am I not interesting enough? And if I’m not, what the hell do I do to make myself more interesting? I have always tried to make a point of coming across as happy, and not whinging, particularly on my blog. But I wanted to write this. I suppose I wanted to let everyone know that behind my confident exterior is a person who has as many feelings to be hurt as the next, and an insecurity complex as much as the next also.
And the worst bit, I'm too scared to pimp myself on Twitter and tell people "New Blog Post", yet I want to write more than anything and to do that I need an audience!! Go figure, huh!

Back to the Gym!

So, we have been in Victoria for almost 2 weeks, and I joined the gym a few days ago to work at the dreaded 'baby belly' that inevitably found its way onto my body after 3 pregnancies (actually it was there after the first, but has got worse with each subsequent stretching!!). I told the lovely lady who signed me up that I was deadly serious and determined to work it off and so as she knows my determination, she spent the whole session pushing and pushing me, yelling at me to keep my belly sucked in and go 'faster, harder, faster!!!' ... which I did. This morning, I am suffering a world of pain, particularly in my obliques, but oh wow, it feels good! It's amazing how great the body feels after exercise! The endorphins rush around and make everything look better and more positive! I also tried to do a detox recently, and whilst I couldn't complete it (it required no eating, and I found this too hard with 3 little kids to not eat: I had zero energy), the 3 days I was on it made a big difference to how I feel and kick started a healthy nutritional pattern that I am also determined to continue. I was pleased that I could slip so easily back into a fitness routine. Going to the gym has always been important to me and I am a big advocate of it. But, oy! My body is telling me it worked out this morning! Ouch!!

Bit of blah

I have been trying to write a post about my big move, but it was such a shit day (mostly because of Qantas and Australian Air Express) that everything I write sounds like one big whinge. Now, I hate to whinge on this blog, so it's proving to be a little difficult to write. Having said that though, this blog is also very much a journal for me and I want to record the events of the day, so I hope to finish it tomorrow and post it for you all (and me).

In other news in my life, I am starting a detox tomorrow, so I will keep you updated with how that goes for me and what my moods too :D

How people arrive on my Blog

I get a great deal of amusement from looking at what people google in order to land on my blog. Most days I have a good chuckle about it. However, today I was totally laughing my arse off at this little effort ...



I can't help but feel a sense of disappointment for the poor bastard who clicked on that link and found my little ramble spot!!

Last post from this house :(

So, the house is a mess, with a massive pile of crap engulfing the dining table. We have soooo much shit coming with us that I have zero idea exactly how we will manage on the plane and at the airport even WITH people helping us at each end!! I have packed away all the food, yet forgotten to eat first (major d'oh), yet I haven't packed up the iMac yet (see what my priorities are can't you!!). Sometime tonight I will leave this house ready for the packers to come in tomorrow and do their bit. There's not much left that I can actually do now, yet it seems like I've not begun. Leaving Claremont will be very sad for me, but at least I have 2 weeks in Subiaco to numb the pain :)

I think I have cried every day since last Tuesday. Every time I think of having to say goodbye to my girls I tear up immediately. Hubby keeps asking if I want to change my mind, and I absolutely don't, but I am devastated to be leaving 3 girls in particular. I'm not sure which day will be the last day I see them so it's like russian roulette, wondering when it will actually end.

I wonder how I will feel tomorrow, when we are out of this house and effectively on 'holiday' for the next 2 weeks. Will I be as sad? Or will I be looking at this a little differently now that the physical hard part of sorting crap has been completed? I'll blog and let you know in a day or two :)

Crackberry Addiction

I came across this article this morning, 'Blackberry users becoming addicted to gadget' and it prompted me to write a bit of a response, seeing as though I am the proud owner of a Crackberry myself.

I initially bought the Blackberry for my hubby. I was just going to use it whilst I was in hospital following the birth of Kid3 as I knew I would want access to my emails and of course Twitter. I did, however, develop quite an attachment to it, so 8 weeks after my hospital stay I am still in possession of it and hubby has another phone of mine that I have done away with (!!).

My attachment to it though falls short of addiction, I think. I say 'I think' because I would be lost without it however I don't look at it constantly, nor take it to bed with me (unless hubby is away in which case I always take a phone to bed with me, Crackberry or otherwise). It is often on silent as I can't be arsed answering every call that comes my way. I'm a little bit of a 'screener' at times, plus I get so sick of any wally calling up for any old thing. Pisses me right off. But I digress. I was trying to establish if I were addicted or not. If I was at dinner with friends, I would ignore my phone at all times, the only exceptions to this are A) I'm out and a babysitter is at home with my kids or B) I'm out and hubby is home with kids. In these instances I will look at the phone to see if it the person taking care of my kids. If it is, I answer, if not, I let the call go to voicemail, as that is why it is there!! Emails ping constantly, so much so that I have them on silent (except for one account although I don't rush to check that unless I am alone, then I don't rush, I saunter LOL). So, I'm not in a mad rush to be in contact with everybody, but, I would be pretty upset if I didn't have my Crackberry and at a bit of a loss. Although, I would be quite willing to trade it for an iphone .. which begs my next point - will the iphone be the next crackphone?? Is it brand specific or function specific? A mobile phone with the ability to check emails and connect to the web no matter what brand surely makes it capable of being addictive, no?

So, would I suffer withdrawals without my Blackberry? Honestly, yes. But, I would suffer withdrawals without any form of communication so I'm not totally sure it's the Blackberry I'm addicted to, rather I'm addicted to communicating. And that is definitely something I could never live without.

My Tattoos

So I got a new tattoo yesterday. This was number 4 in my collection. And I love it! It totally rocks! There is something so very addictive about tattoos. It seems that once you get one it is very hard to stop there. Though I did have quite a break between tatts 2 and 3. I got my first tattoo when I was 18. I wrote off my hubbys (he was only my boyfriend then!) car in a rather bad accident. I was t-barred by a van with the drivers side bearing the brunt of the impact. The door of the Commodore wrapped around my leg and my seat was moved a good foot towards the passenger side. The roof tore with the impact and the car buckled. Yet somehow I climbed out through the passenger side, walked back around to the drivers side, reached in for the car phone (it was 1995, he had a CAR phone .. he was smokin'!!) and called the BF before collapsing into the arms of the guy who hit me. The ambos were called and upon arrival they saw me drinking tea (there is ALWAYS tea available after a car accident) and asked where the driver was. I said, 'here' .. they said 'you should be a lot worse. You could have died'. I booked my first tattoo shortly thereafter .. a four leaf clover on my back. My next tattoo was about a year later. I drew a yin yang inspired design and got that one on my upper thigh. I was 19. Then there was an 11 year gap. I didn't get my next tatt until I was 30. A beautiful butterfly on my lower back. It holds deep meaning for me, too deep to go into here. And then came my latest tatt. At 31, having had my last child (last planned child anyway. And trust me, I have ZERO plans for any more) I got the longitude and latitude of the birthplace of my 3 kids. I still want at least 2 more, though I'm not sure where I would get them. My 4 tattoos are all concealable .. in fact you wouldn't know I had tattoos unless I was in my underwear .. although my latest one can be seen above the waist of my jeans. I like to be able to hide them as it gives a little mystery! I love peoples reactions when they find out I have tattoos! There is such a stigma related to people with them even though it is becoming more and more mainstream. I wonder what I will think of them as I get older, which is why each of my tattoos has a specific meaning. They're not just pictures they're symbols of different parts of my life. My own illustrated story on my body. I like that.
If you're interested ... this is where my kids were born