Personality

To most people, those I know personally and have grown with in the real world for years and also those I have met in the online world, would regard me as a terribly confident person. I am bolshy and loud, I talk a lot and have a great sense of humour. I poke fun at people and love it when people shit stir me back. But every now and then, my guard slips to reveal a rather shy and insecure person underneath. I’m paranoid at how people will perceive me ALL the time. I want people to find me witty and smart, funny and interesting. Not to mention that I hope people find me okay to look at as well! I spend an awful lot of time and money trying to be this person and yet I feel like I fall short all the time. I’m never quite the person I want to be. In the past, I only had to deal with these feelings in the real world, now my world has flowed over into the virtual as well, leaving me with two very separate lives that I need to manage. I was thinking today that although I have more enjoyment in my life as a result of the wonderful people I have met in ‘real life’ that I met online, I also have so much more insecurity. Will they like the real me? Not just the person who has 5 minutes to compose a sentence before writing it. The person who will speak straight away, often without thinking, and more often than not with a fair bit of wine in me! It’s a popularity game that reminds me of high school. I follow you on twitter, will you follow me back? What about FriendFeed? You may follow me on Twitter but you don’t there? Why not? Am I not interesting enough? And if I’m not, what the hell do I do to make myself more interesting? I have always tried to make a point of coming across as happy, and not whinging, particularly on my blog. But I wanted to write this. I suppose I wanted to let everyone know that behind my confident exterior is a person who has as many feelings to be hurt as the next, and an insecurity complex as much as the next also.
And the worst bit, I'm too scared to pimp myself on Twitter and tell people "New Blog Post", yet I want to write more than anything and to do that I need an audience!! Go figure, huh!

Back to the Gym!

So, we have been in Victoria for almost 2 weeks, and I joined the gym a few days ago to work at the dreaded 'baby belly' that inevitably found its way onto my body after 3 pregnancies (actually it was there after the first, but has got worse with each subsequent stretching!!). I told the lovely lady who signed me up that I was deadly serious and determined to work it off and so as she knows my determination, she spent the whole session pushing and pushing me, yelling at me to keep my belly sucked in and go 'faster, harder, faster!!!' ... which I did. This morning, I am suffering a world of pain, particularly in my obliques, but oh wow, it feels good! It's amazing how great the body feels after exercise! The endorphins rush around and make everything look better and more positive! I also tried to do a detox recently, and whilst I couldn't complete it (it required no eating, and I found this too hard with 3 little kids to not eat: I had zero energy), the 3 days I was on it made a big difference to how I feel and kick started a healthy nutritional pattern that I am also determined to continue. I was pleased that I could slip so easily back into a fitness routine. Going to the gym has always been important to me and I am a big advocate of it. But, oy! My body is telling me it worked out this morning! Ouch!!

Bit of blah

I have been trying to write a post about my big move, but it was such a shit day (mostly because of Qantas and Australian Air Express) that everything I write sounds like one big whinge. Now, I hate to whinge on this blog, so it's proving to be a little difficult to write. Having said that though, this blog is also very much a journal for me and I want to record the events of the day, so I hope to finish it tomorrow and post it for you all (and me).

In other news in my life, I am starting a detox tomorrow, so I will keep you updated with how that goes for me and what my moods too :D