I've kind of lost the passion to blog of late. So much has been going on with work that I just don't have the time to sit down and write. Also, I've had nothing of consequence to say.
I'm not doing this for anyone else ... I mean I write this for me. I'm not good at checking how many visitors I've had and I have no idea really how many people are interested in what I write, so numbers don't matter to me.
Having said that then, I could ramble away and assume my only audience is me, right? So what do I care what I write? But still I do care, just in case :)
I've been sick now for over 2 weeks. I'm tired of coughing and I have a pain in my sternum. The last time I was sick for this long was when I went to the US. I got sick 2 weeks before I left and was still sick when I got home almost 2 weeks later. I think I'm rundown and I need a break. Not just physically though, but mentally too.
Building this business, including the online component, has been so stressful. Every day I think about what to stock, how to do it, am I ordering too little, am I ordering too much, am I going to be able to pull this off and make money or stay in the black even! My brain is constantly thinking, over thinking, worrying. I am scared. I am excited. It feels like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, about to jump. Will I survive?
To be honest I'm not even sure why I'm crazy enough to do this whole online thing. I mean what the heck do I know about computers?? I can turn one on ... I can type, I can email ... I can whack a picture on a blog post ... what am I doing??
By Friday I have to put in an order for some summer stock. It is a brand new line, one that I am so excited about. I will be one of the first people to stock it. It will be available on my website ... but I don't get it til August. So I am nervous. This is the part of fashion retail that I hate. This ordering months in advance.
I think I'm getting an ulcer.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Moment of Selfishness
Okay, I'm going to be honest here.
I'm a pretty nice person. I'm open, I'm giving, I care. I do things for others without thinking all the time. I love to do random things to make other people smile. I love giving presents to people for no reason, other than 'just because'. I will do favours for friends when they ask ... help them ... listen to them. I think I'm a pretty good friend.
But here is the selfish part. Every now and then I wish I wasn't so giving. I wish I could say no. I wish I were a little more ruthless and outspoken. I wish I stood up for myself more. And I wish I could ask a friend ... "hey, I need to talk to someone, care to listen".
I'm a pretty nice person. I'm open, I'm giving, I care. I do things for others without thinking all the time. I love to do random things to make other people smile. I love giving presents to people for no reason, other than 'just because'. I will do favours for friends when they ask ... help them ... listen to them. I think I'm a pretty good friend.
But here is the selfish part. Every now and then I wish I wasn't so giving. I wish I could say no. I wish I were a little more ruthless and outspoken. I wish I stood up for myself more. And I wish I could ask a friend ... "hey, I need to talk to someone, care to listen".
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Fire
It's been a horrendous, anxious, stressful, emotional and exhausting 24 hours. Fires have ripped across the beautiful state that I live in. At the time of writing this post, the fire has killed 65 people. This number is expected to rise.
The last couple of weeks have seen unprecedented high temperatures across the south east of Australia. This coupled with years of drought had left the ground dry as a bone, primed and waiting for tragedy. Yesterday the weather conditions brought the highest temperatures across Australia on record and extremely high winds.
When I left work at 1PM yesterday, it was 45 degrees celcius with strong winds blowing the dust into the sky. We started watching the CFA (Country Fire Authority) website for updates on the fires burning shortly after I got home. The sky was grey. It looked like it was overcast. The wind was so hot that it actually burnt my bare legs. Conditions were horrific.
When we moved here, we knew that we would have to be prepared for the possibility of fire. Although we live just on the outskirts of town, we are surrounded by bush on all sides. I love it here. It is peaceful and beautiful. This beautiful tree filled lifestyle, however, also brings with it risks. We knew of these risks, so prepared ourselves by buying a pump and hoses. We have two 33,000L tanks, a dam, and a pool for water. But still, we're vulnerable.
In the early eighties, we lost our home to fire. I was about 5 and although I don't remember everything there are parts of it that are etched in my memory forever.
We lived not far from where I live now. It was my parent's dream house. A beautiful period weatherboard home on 20 acres of land. We had only been living there a few months. We had gone down to Melbourne to visit my Granny. I remember we had not been there long when the phone rang. Then my Uncle, my mum and my dad rushed out. Granny called my brother and I to her and cuddled us. She told us our house had burnt down. I remember asking her where we were going to live.
Some time later mum and dad came back. I stood in the driveway watching the car pull in. I will never, ever in my whole life forget the look on my mum's face. She was a ghost sitting in the car, clutching one single precious possession, blackened by the fire. Tears stained her face. She was still.
I remember the first time I went back to the house. There was barely anything left but three chimneys. I went to what was my bedroom. Everything was gone. Everything was ash. I found one of my favourite soft toys, a dog called Ralph. He was vaguley recognisable. I remeber standing there crying, my older brother (who was only 8) holding me tight.
We lost everything. Everything.
Next came Ash Wednesday. We lived in Kyneton then, so so close to Woodend. Mum had us packed ready to go. She had been there before.
The Maryborough fires a few years later were also scary as we had moved to Newstead then, also close by. I packed a little basket with my favourite doll in it.
Now I have my own family and last night all I could think about was sifting through the ashes.
The main thing is that we were all safe way back when. We lost everything we had, but still had our lives. In the last 24 hours 65 people have been killed.
I can't comprehend it. Cars full of people, including children, trying to escape, caught in the firestorm. Killed.
It took all day, but I finally cried about an hour ago. Then I thought I had to write about it.
Friends of ours were in the Bendigo fire. We spoke to them earlier and they are all, thankfully okay. However, they were saying they had no fire plan. They lived in the suburbs of Bendigo, they never thought for a moment that fire would be something to worry about. Boy were they wrong. It doesn't matter where you are ... fire can get you.
It is believed that some of these fires were deliberately lit. I told my hubby earlier what I would do if I ever caught an arsonist. He saw a violent side of me, truth be told.
I had so many things I wanted to write here, but I feel like I am just rambling. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I am terribly, terribly sad. My heart is aching.
Again, it's been said before by other people, but WOW. Twitter last night was a wonderful wonderful resource. And the messages I received from fellow twitterers were just so great and so appreciated. I was so scared last night even though we were not in any direct threat. I lay awake for ages listening to the silence, praying that the wind didn't pick up.
I pray that I never have to pack up my family and flee. I pray for those that have lost everything. I know you are hurting, believe me, I do. I know what fire did to my mum ... I feel so much for everyone involved.
I have a houseload of furniture and household items including buckets of toys that were due for a Garage Sale. This will be donated. I urge you to do what you can, if you can, for those that have lost everything. As a kid who lost every precious thing I owned, every little hand me down I got afterwards was the best thing in the world.
I'm not sure I know what else to say. I know there was more in my head, but I'm a little numb.
Hell. It's been a weekend of hell.
The last couple of weeks have seen unprecedented high temperatures across the south east of Australia. This coupled with years of drought had left the ground dry as a bone, primed and waiting for tragedy. Yesterday the weather conditions brought the highest temperatures across Australia on record and extremely high winds.
When I left work at 1PM yesterday, it was 45 degrees celcius with strong winds blowing the dust into the sky. We started watching the CFA (Country Fire Authority) website for updates on the fires burning shortly after I got home. The sky was grey. It looked like it was overcast. The wind was so hot that it actually burnt my bare legs. Conditions were horrific.
When we moved here, we knew that we would have to be prepared for the possibility of fire. Although we live just on the outskirts of town, we are surrounded by bush on all sides. I love it here. It is peaceful and beautiful. This beautiful tree filled lifestyle, however, also brings with it risks. We knew of these risks, so prepared ourselves by buying a pump and hoses. We have two 33,000L tanks, a dam, and a pool for water. But still, we're vulnerable.
In the early eighties, we lost our home to fire. I was about 5 and although I don't remember everything there are parts of it that are etched in my memory forever.
We lived not far from where I live now. It was my parent's dream house. A beautiful period weatherboard home on 20 acres of land. We had only been living there a few months. We had gone down to Melbourne to visit my Granny. I remember we had not been there long when the phone rang. Then my Uncle, my mum and my dad rushed out. Granny called my brother and I to her and cuddled us. She told us our house had burnt down. I remember asking her where we were going to live.
Some time later mum and dad came back. I stood in the driveway watching the car pull in. I will never, ever in my whole life forget the look on my mum's face. She was a ghost sitting in the car, clutching one single precious possession, blackened by the fire. Tears stained her face. She was still.
I remember the first time I went back to the house. There was barely anything left but three chimneys. I went to what was my bedroom. Everything was gone. Everything was ash. I found one of my favourite soft toys, a dog called Ralph. He was vaguley recognisable. I remeber standing there crying, my older brother (who was only 8) holding me tight.
We lost everything. Everything.
Next came Ash Wednesday. We lived in Kyneton then, so so close to Woodend. Mum had us packed ready to go. She had been there before.
The Maryborough fires a few years later were also scary as we had moved to Newstead then, also close by. I packed a little basket with my favourite doll in it.
Now I have my own family and last night all I could think about was sifting through the ashes.
The main thing is that we were all safe way back when. We lost everything we had, but still had our lives. In the last 24 hours 65 people have been killed.
I can't comprehend it. Cars full of people, including children, trying to escape, caught in the firestorm. Killed.
It took all day, but I finally cried about an hour ago. Then I thought I had to write about it.
Friends of ours were in the Bendigo fire. We spoke to them earlier and they are all, thankfully okay. However, they were saying they had no fire plan. They lived in the suburbs of Bendigo, they never thought for a moment that fire would be something to worry about. Boy were they wrong. It doesn't matter where you are ... fire can get you.
It is believed that some of these fires were deliberately lit. I told my hubby earlier what I would do if I ever caught an arsonist. He saw a violent side of me, truth be told.
I had so many things I wanted to write here, but I feel like I am just rambling. I'm exhausted. I'm emotional. I am terribly, terribly sad. My heart is aching.
Again, it's been said before by other people, but WOW. Twitter last night was a wonderful wonderful resource. And the messages I received from fellow twitterers were just so great and so appreciated. I was so scared last night even though we were not in any direct threat. I lay awake for ages listening to the silence, praying that the wind didn't pick up.
I pray that I never have to pack up my family and flee. I pray for those that have lost everything. I know you are hurting, believe me, I do. I know what fire did to my mum ... I feel so much for everyone involved.
I have a houseload of furniture and household items including buckets of toys that were due for a Garage Sale. This will be donated. I urge you to do what you can, if you can, for those that have lost everything. As a kid who lost every precious thing I owned, every little hand me down I got afterwards was the best thing in the world.
I'm not sure I know what else to say. I know there was more in my head, but I'm a little numb.
Hell. It's been a weekend of hell.
Monday, February 2, 2009
A little more confidence, please?
I sometimes wish for more confidence. Today is one of those days. It's funny, because from one perspective this looks contradictory ... I post pictures of myself to flickr every day (particularly since I started this 365 days project I'm doing). That's easy stuff. Take a pic, post it. Done. No, the confidence I want is for words.
I wanted to ask someone their opinion the other day. Something very relevant to them and not very relevant to me, so their opinion would have been very useful. But I didn't get it. Not enough confidence to ask. Too scared to email them for help. And they were too busy to help me at the time I wanted the help.
So I thought I might throw the question out into FriendFeed or Twitter (it's a tech related problem so I thought that would be a good spot) but I couldn't. I type, I delete. Zero confidence.
The thing is, I know very little about technology and don't want to seem stupid. So, instead of asking things and possibly learning more, I clam up.
So, yeah, there you go, I'd like a little more confidence, please.
I wanted to ask someone their opinion the other day. Something very relevant to them and not very relevant to me, so their opinion would have been very useful. But I didn't get it. Not enough confidence to ask. Too scared to email them for help. And they were too busy to help me at the time I wanted the help.
So I thought I might throw the question out into FriendFeed or Twitter (it's a tech related problem so I thought that would be a good spot) but I couldn't. I type, I delete. Zero confidence.
The thing is, I know very little about technology and don't want to seem stupid. So, instead of asking things and possibly learning more, I clam up.
So, yeah, there you go, I'd like a little more confidence, please.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
32 years ago today ....
... I entered this world, no doubt screaming my lungs out and causing my mother a great deal of pain.
Not much has changed.
Except now I probably don't cause my mother the same amount of pain and I don't scream too much although I do talk a lot (those who know me will agree wholeheartedly). The only pain I cause my mother now is when I get a new tattoo and she sighs :D
My birthday always makes me reflect on the things I have done, not just because I'm older but because my birthday falls at the end of the year, so I always think about what I have done and accomplished in the year gone by.
This past year has undoubtedly been the single most eventful year of my 32 years to date. I have: bought a house, had a baby, sold 2 businesses, moved interstate, travelled overseas for the first time AND did it on my own, bought a new business, went back to work full time after 4 1/2 years as a stay at home mum, renovated said house, moved into that house, had a massive family Christmas and I'm still alive. I think the only thing I didn't do was get a divorce and thankfully that looks unlikely! ;P
2009 looks set to be another big year, with a lot more firsts, but I am hoping it will be far less stressful than the year I have just endured. I'm not sure I could ever do what I have done in a 12 month period again. No thank you.
I'm not big on new year resolutions but I do set myself goals every year. I know I am going to achieve the goals I have set for myself for the coming year, because I will not let myself fail. My drive and my passion are strong and my optimistic streak pushes me to always do my best.
I am thankful for many things that have happened to me this past year. Things that have helped to continually shape the person that I am. To all of you that have had a part in that (and I'm sure you know who you are), thank you.
I have a great feeling about 2009. It's going to be a great year. Mark my words :D
Not much has changed.
Except now I probably don't cause my mother the same amount of pain and I don't scream too much although I do talk a lot (those who know me will agree wholeheartedly). The only pain I cause my mother now is when I get a new tattoo and she sighs :D
My birthday always makes me reflect on the things I have done, not just because I'm older but because my birthday falls at the end of the year, so I always think about what I have done and accomplished in the year gone by.
This past year has undoubtedly been the single most eventful year of my 32 years to date. I have: bought a house, had a baby, sold 2 businesses, moved interstate, travelled overseas for the first time AND did it on my own, bought a new business, went back to work full time after 4 1/2 years as a stay at home mum, renovated said house, moved into that house, had a massive family Christmas and I'm still alive. I think the only thing I didn't do was get a divorce and thankfully that looks unlikely! ;P
2009 looks set to be another big year, with a lot more firsts, but I am hoping it will be far less stressful than the year I have just endured. I'm not sure I could ever do what I have done in a 12 month period again. No thank you.
I'm not big on new year resolutions but I do set myself goals every year. I know I am going to achieve the goals I have set for myself for the coming year, because I will not let myself fail. My drive and my passion are strong and my optimistic streak pushes me to always do my best.
I am thankful for many things that have happened to me this past year. Things that have helped to continually shape the person that I am. To all of you that have had a part in that (and I'm sure you know who you are), thank you.
I have a great feeling about 2009. It's going to be a great year. Mark my words :D
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wait a second ... it ain't over yet!
I just wrote a blog post about my year and then just as I was about to post it I realised that there are still two major events to occur this year so you'll just have to wait a few more days!
One of those major events is my birthday, so I'm hoping for a particularly bloody marvellous one this year!
One of those major events is my birthday, so I'm hoping for a particularly bloody marvellous one this year!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
We will return to regular programming soon ... I promise :D
Dear blog readers ....
I will write again. I promise :)
I'm just crazy busy doing this whole retail at Christmas thingy (it's my 17th year doing retail at Christmas ... I am insane).
I promise a blog post full of wit (or something that rhymes with that) very very soon!
<3 Spi :)
I will write again. I promise :)
I'm just crazy busy doing this whole retail at Christmas thingy (it's my 17th year doing retail at Christmas ... I am insane).
I promise a blog post full of wit (or something that rhymes with that) very very soon!
<3 Spi :)
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